


Make me, Break me.

by Park_Chanyeols_left_ear_lobe



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Cute, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Lovers, I promise, Lots of Crying, Lots of insecurities, M/M, Strict Parents, architecture student doyoung, i promise i love ot21, loner doyoung, need to make someone the dick, slight mentions of homophobia, slowburn, sweet taeyong, they're not all bad, volleyball captain taeyong, you might hate the rest of 127 for a minute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:22:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 36,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25146901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Park_Chanyeols_left_ear_lobe/pseuds/Park_Chanyeols_left_ear_lobe
Summary: In which Doyoung, a third-year architecture major absolutely despises Taeyong, a fellow third-year, and Music major because he has everything Doyoung could never have.AKA, not your average I hate you because I secretly love you or I hate you because we were a thing and that will be revealed later on to thicken the plot. Doyoung actually dislikes Taeyong in this lol.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 118
Kudos: 244





	1. Hiccups in Heaven

Doyoung detested him. There was no counter-argument. He abhorred Lee Taeyong and his band of raucous companions that consistently made a frenzy in the lecture halls. They resembled a virus, adhered to him, and duplicating each second. 

The library was his safe space, however, the events of this morning's lecture had left Doyoung fuming, and not even the serenity of the library could calm him down. 

Everything began when Doyoung woke up late for his morning class, that too on the first day of the semester. He ran right to the opposite side of the grounds, blasting through the hallways while the Professor was in the middle of his self-introduction. 

"Late on the first day?" Professor Choi rose a judgmental eyebrow and Doyoung softened into a puddle on the floor, bowing in apology. 

He had enrolled himself in Art History II in the wake of having taken the first cycle and beginning to look all starry eyed at the course and the professor. He appreciated him and his teaching style and if humiliating himself before his role model wasn't terrible enough, he had to sit in the extremely back.  
"Great start to the semester." He mumbled under his breath as he begrudgingly took a seat behind his most hated personality. 

The bad dream didn't end there, however, and Doyoung asked why his luck consistently ran dry when he required it the most. He could scarcely hear a word the teacher said the whole time as a result of the consistent chitter-prattle before him, courtesy of Lee – irritating - Taeyong and his idiotic volleyball playing, sharp jawed, buff companions. 

"I don't think we ought to get sushi from that place again." 

"Why not? It was good." 

"Yuta got food poisoning from it." 

"What about burgers at that street joint?" 

He attempted to keep it down but his annoyance had arrived at the final turning point. 

"can you discuss your lunch plans later?" He murmured, "A few of us are trying to study."  
"Anything for you, babe." Taeyong turned his head only slightly, enough to make sure Doyoung saw him wink at him. 

"Mr. Kim." Professor Choi gave him a sharp look. "I truly don't value talking during class." 

Doyoung's jaw loosened, eyes enlarging like a rabbit that had been trapped in headlights. 

"It wasn't me." He attempted to reason. The professor gave him a final warning before returning to the slides. 

He sat back in his seat, arms folded against his chest as he boreholes into Taeyong's head from behind. 

Doyoung's sentiments of outright disdain for Lee Taeyong began way back in the first year of University. Right up 'til today, nobody knew precisely why he loathed the boy however it was no mystery that he did. It irritated him much more when Taeyong never reciprocated the detest. Truth be told, Taeyong enjoyed the attention the younger gave him. Doyoung's irrational hatred for him amused him and he ended up smiling at the boy every time he saw him scowling. 

"I'll be down in a second." Jeno, Doyoung's first-year roommate said into the phone before continuing to tie his shoes. 

It was a Friday night and Doyoung was nestled into bed with his laptop looking for a film. The first week of classes had concluded and since he had no assignments, Doyoung decided to pamper himself. 

"Going out?" He asked as Jeno strolled back to his bed to snatch his phone. 

"It's the first volleyball match of the season," Jeno grinned at him. "My best friend Jisung is playing so I'm going to watch it with a few of my friends." 

Doyoung nodded, lips separated in a quiet ahh. 

"Would you like to come with us?" He asked as civility however Doyoung shook his head. 

"I hate volleyball." He stated, a harsh grin advancing onto his lips. 

Jeno returned late. Doyoung was under the spreads attempting to sleep when he heard the door click. Jeno was still quietly laughing as he proceeded to change and Doyoung felt an approaching feeling of dejection.  
Jeno had been lucky enough to get into college along with all of his closest friends, kids he had grown up with, and now was on his way to achieve his dreams.  
It was a foreign feeling for Doyoung, late nights out with old friends, laughing on top of rooftops till the sun came up, going away tot he beach on hot summer breaks. His entire idea of friendship was based entirely on what he had seen in movies but what could 90 minutes of drama possibly teach about a bond that is supposed to be made through emotions?

It disturbed him when people talked in the library. Libraries should be for quiet contemplating, not talking, and getting a charge out of the AC. Lee Taeyong and his friends were most likely too thick to even think about understanding that. Doyoung was halfway through his paper on the analysis of Roman Architecture when his focus was broken by a snicker, specifically the third chuckle he had heard ever since he had sat down to work. 

Pummeling his hands on the desk, Doyoung pushed back his seat and advanced over to the group sitting two desks away. The chuckling halted when he drew nearer, 7 heads turning to look at him. Taeyong was still grinning when he turned his head to gaze toward Doyoung's frown. 

"This is a library," Doyoung talked in a hushed grit, inconvenience obvious from the wrinkles on his temple. "If you need to talk go outside." 

"Oh c'mon on, babe." Taeyong flashed his signature smirk, it made Doyoung's blood boil more than the endearment.  
"I'm serious, Lee." Doyoung narrowed his eyes onto Taeyong's perfectly sculpted face. "I'm trying to study."

"Goodness poo," The tallest of the pack who Doyoung recognized as Johnny held a clench hand to his mouth, horribly faking a British accent. "We've maddened the bunny." 

"Bunny?" Doyoung asked, outrage disseminating into disarray. 

He saw Taeyong fix his ear off the side of his eye but his concentration was currently completely on Johnny and Yuta who made a show out of their amusement for the silly moniker. 

"Can you keep it down back there?" A girl, obviously annoyed, peered over from behind a pile of books. Her annoyance immediately faded away upon sight of Taeyong and she cheekily smiled, waving slightly before regretfully returning to her work.

A flush colored Taeyong's ears when he met Doyoung's eyes, a little grin playing all the rage. Doyoung felt the outrage rising in the pit of his stomach as he accepted his defeat. Doyoung gathered his things and stomped out the library, leaving a group of cackling boys in his wake. 

"Why did you have to say it in front of him?" Taeyong asked, remorsefully watching Doyoung's withdrawing back. 

"It wasn't something awful, Hyung." Mark contemplated and Yuta nodded in agreement. 

"Still..." Taeyong let his words hang in the air a while as Doyoung disappeared and the conversation picked up again in the background. 

"I'm glad you all handed in the assignment on time without any issues." Professor Choi had a smile on his face as he turned to his screen.  
"There was one essay that stood out to me," He searched the student's faces before his eyes landed on a boy sitting attentively in the first row.  
"Mr. Kim," There was admiration in his eyes. "I had you last year as well, am I right?"  
Doyoung nodded, glad he had finally been recognized.  
"I loved your rendition of the cultural aspects of Roman times. It was very gruesome but I was hooked. I would love to have your views shared with the class."  
A collective groan sounded and Doyoung felt a knot form in his stomach. Looking to his right, his eyes met Taeyong's who smiled at him encouragingly. The knot burst as bile now rose to his throat.  
"It's okay, professor Choi. I can email it to you."  
"No no." He shook his head at the students. "If one of your classmates has a different point of view you should hear him out. Maybe it will open your eyes to something much better."  
He nodded at Doyoung to go on and the boy regretfully swallowed a lump.  
"Well, I hate the Romans." Doyoung twiddled his thumbs as he spoke. "They preceded my favorite civilization, the Greeks. You see, the Romans were so busy building an empire they forgot the most important thing that ever existed; imagination. They were cruel and pretentious. Men of Reality,"  
"The Greeks were romanticists. They celebrated man for who he was, worked on his perfection. Individuality. Admiration and imperfection. They worshipped gods based on humans, with human flaws and human relationships. They were invested in humanity and that is why I adore them. But the Romans destroyed it all, centuries of tales all summed up to means of war."  
There was pin-drop silence when Doyoung finished and Professor Choi nodded, an endearing smile playing on his lips.  
"That's very interesting, Mr. Kim."  
Doyoung turned his head to the right again, this time finding the object of his hatred in deep thought, eyes busy searching the lines on his hands. He followed Taeyong’s line of site to his hands before turning away a sudden distaste coating the underside of his tongue.


	2. Petty Fights and Pet names

Group projects were the death of him however with the selection of his major, he had no other alternative.   
It occurred to him that Wednesdays were early practice days for the devil’s children, better known as the volleyball team. As he followed his group members to the gym, he silently groaned at the idea of seeing Taeyong more than once a week.   
Doyoung prayed to whoever would listen that the volleyball crew wouldn't be there when he went but luck had a way with messing with him.   
To his favor, however, the majority of his time there went by without any issues. Doyoung helped his team measure the areas that were higher up. It was a pain when the girls would take super long breaks to watch the team practice but he was used to working alone and made use of the peace. Well, as much peace as you can get in a gymnasium.   
It had been too good to be true, it was idiotic to think that they were in the same room and Doyoung would get out of there without having to square up to Taeyong at least once.

"Watch out!" Doyoung dodged without a moment to spare for the volleyball to miss his valuable head.   
"Ya!" He turned, face defaced with irritation despite the quickened beating of his heart. "You consider yourself a player?"   
Taeyong bit down on his lip trying to stifle his giggle. Doyoung's hair was unsettled because of the multiple occasions he had passed his hand through them and Taeyong, deep down, swooned at the way his cheeks puffed as he progressed towards him, clenched hands held at his sides.   
The volleyball team shared knowing looks, diverted by the unfurling occasions. They had all seen Taeyong purposefully fling the ball towards Doyoung, it had been sufficiently high not to hit him regardless of whether he was standing or not but, he didn't have to know that. 

"Aww princess," Taeyong positioned his head aside, a grin moving all the rage. “And, here I thought you would ignore me the entire time."   
Doyoung closed the gap between them, overshadowing Taeyong's narrow frame.   
"What part of stop it do you not get, Lee?"   
"Stop what?" He was sulking now, eyebrows wrinkled in mock disarray.   
Doyoung wanted to smack that pout right off but Taeyong and he both knew he was anything but violent.   
"Don’t get cocky with me." He minced his words, voice perilously low, and verging on a whisper. "Quit calling me those names."   
"Princess or baby?" Taeyong asked aloud, making Doyoung jump.   
"I'm not kidding, Lee."   
"I like calling you baby." He smiled at him, changing direction suddenly and strolling back to his clustered up colleagues.   
Before he could, however, Doyoung snatched him by the arm, turning him around to confront him.   
"You truly believe I'm kidding around when I say I detest you, don't you?" Their faces were unbelievably close and Taeyong could smell the faint musk Doyoung had sprayed on before leaving the dormitory that morning.   
"That really hurts my heart? I don't ‘detest’ you by any means." Taeyong was sulking once more, his free hand rubbing over his heart.   
"Great to know." Doyoung let go of his arm before going to leave the rec center, not bothering to return to his group. They were nearly done anyway and he was unable to stand one more second close to the blue-haired volleyball captain. 

It was a Friday and the grounds were clamoring with life. Classes were being let off and students rushed to meet friends and sweethearts the same. Doyoung took as much time as necessary packing his things, idly cleaning his workspace as his schoolmates talked away, strolling past him towards the studio exit.   
"I'm heading off to that new bistro with Hyunsang today. I heard they have extraordinary scones."   
"Have fun! Youngmin and I are going out to the movies. He has a surprise for me!" 

Doyoung viewed on as the studio emptied out and as opposed to packing and leaving he, out of nowhere, chose to remain and take a shot at his clay model again.   
Aside from his standard plan subjects, Doyoung had decided on two additional classes this semester and this was one of them; Carving and Sculpting. His Fridays kept occupied as a result of it and he was grateful. Jeno would be out when he came back to his room anyway, thus he pulled out his stool and sat down before the huge mass of red clay. 

It was a beautiful night. He couldn’t see the stars but DOyoung knew they were shining brightly just above him. Doyoung appreciated them as he strolled across grounds toward the south quarters where he resided. It was 11 pm and the campus was eerily silent, not a soul in sight.   
An approaching feeling of loneliness hung over him as he strolled in the midst of the prowling haziness, wondering who might miss him if an unhinged man were to leap out from behind a tree and slit his throat right then and there. He arrived at his empty room, washed up, and made himself a cup of soggy noodles before cozying up before his PC to re-watch old episodes of Two Broke Girls. 

Taeyong paid no mind to the discussion between his friends as he reclined on his seat in the library. He had a direct view of the entrance and as the clock above it struck 12pm and a specific Architecture major didn't stroll in, Taeyong ended up frowning in concern.   
"Where is he?" He pondered aloud.   
Following fifteen minutes passed, he immediately excused himself and advanced outside to search for him. It appeared to be idiotic for him to search for Doyoung in any event, when the younger male had made it evident he didn't need him around, however, Saturdays should be his study days in the library, AKA, the only other day Taeyong could see him apart from the Monday morning Art History class. 

He hovered around the library walking to the calmer side of the regulatory buildings. He didn't know what he was doing yet it played out well when he saw a familiar figure leaning on the huge oak tree, notes spread to his side and legs spread before him, supporting his laptop.   
Doyoung stuck his tongue out, frowning as he typed away. His fixation separated when a leaf drifted, falling on his keyboard. Taeyong took a few minutes to admire the boy’s peaceful demeanor.   
A mischievous grin advanced onto Taeyong's lips as he walked around to the tree, hands locking behind him despite his good faith.   
"A flower had blossomed in fall." He said once he was close enough to be heard.   
He saw Doyoung roll his eyes before looking up to meet his.   
"Why can’t I seem to get rid of you?"   
"Why would you want to get rid of this?" Taeyong asked back, bringing his hands up to cup his face.   
"I imagine that answers it for itself." Doyoung jeered before returning his eyes to the screen.   
"You're not in the library today." Taeyong expressed the obvious before plunking down alongside him, surprising Doyoung as he did.   
"What do you think you’re doing?" He seemed genuinely horrified.   
"Sitting with you?"   
"Go away!" Doyoung swatted his hands as though attempting to dispose of a fly. "I don’t need you near me."   
"Oh c’mon baby," Taeyong attempted to reason. "I just want to give you a little company."   
"I don't need your company." Doyoung was resolved. He glared at the older boy until he gave in, moaning and getting up to leave.   
"Fine. I'll leave. Be that as it may if you want to study come inside. I'll take the guys elsewhere so you can focus."   
"Don’t try to be nice to me. I hate you."   
He truly looked like a furious bunny, Taeyong thought.   
"I don’t hate you, so…"   
He shrugged before leaving, whistling a cheery tune and vanishing behind the red bricked mass of the library. 

When Doyoung looked in through the door fifteen minutes of contemplating later they were gone. He constrained down the sides of his lips that challenged to lift up in a grin before heading toward his work area to concentrate in peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked it. I would appreciate comments so I know what you guys think


	3. Can't spell tears without you.

Taeyong had a pit in his stomach the second he woke up. It was an unexplainable kind of fear that makes you immobile for a while. He deemed it irrational after a while of silent contemplation and decided to get out of bed.

Mondays were his favourite, after all, and he spent extra time trying to pick out an outfit, concerning Jungwoo when he saw the pile of discarded shirts on his bed.

“Looking for something?” The younger asked, dragging his feet to the bathroom.

“I can’t find my black shirt.” Taeyong vaguely stated, busy searching the hangers.

Jungwoo momentarily gazed at the dozen black shirts in the pile before deciding it was too much to deal with in the morning and carrying on with washing up.

“I was trying to get a high score,” Jungwoo explained his obvious eye bags to Taeyong as they made their way to the lecture room. “Mark and Yuta are so rude.”

He pouted and Taeyong cooed, rubbing his back in an attempt to make him feel better. They carried on their conversation as they entered the hall, meeting up with the rest of their group. Most of them had separate majors and so they decided to share at least one class this semester so they could see each other often.

Professor Choi had been Yuta’s exchange counselor and he had urged the boys to join the course. They had all fallen in love with it after the orientation program and decided to take it. It wasn’t until after the first day that Taeyong realized he shared the class with Doyoung and the fact that he did only added to his love for the class.

It didn’t baffle him that the boy hated him, not a bit. Taeyong was the type to give love more than he received, not that he received any less. Ever since his freshmen days, his looks had done enough to garner attention and his bubbly personality only added to the love he got from seniors and batchmates alike.

Doyoung and he were worlds apart. While Taeyong spent time surrounded by friends and fans, Doyoung spent his cooped up in either the dorms or the library. While Taeyong laughed at anything under the sun, it seemed as if all Doyoung could do was scowl at everything. They were worlds apart alright but Taeyong couldn’t help the attraction he felt towards the younger, despite his obvious distaste with him.

Taeyong had been lucky enough to have supportive parents and friends from an early age. It had made it all the easier to come out when he started high school and realized he was attracted to both genders. His parents had never treated him differently, neither had his older sisters. He got into a good college and continued to study something he was passionate about. 

Doyoung and he were worlds apart, alright. 

He had everything he never even wished for and for that, Taeyong was grateful. He never let his privileges get the better of him and remained humble, keeping himself grounded. He had moved to Seoul with two of his best friends, Jaehyun and Johnny, and continued to make more. That’s just the way he was, Taeyong had a natural motherly aura and it drew people to him. Well, almost everyone.

Professor Choi walked in and everyone took their seats but Doyoung was nowhere to be seen. Taeyong carefully researched the front row and then the second just to be sure but he failed to find him. He wondered if he was running late again. He debated with himself on whether to call him and check or not, resorting to calling when Professor Choi started taking roll.

“Hello?” Taeyong heard a raspy intake of breath on the other end followed by the rustling of sheets. He smiled before ducking his head behind the seat in front of him and whispering into the mouthpiece.

“You’re late for class, Sleeping Beauty.” His smile only grew when he heard the dramatic gasp. There was a momentary pause before he heard a faint thud followed by a string of rather colourful words. The line came to life again.

“Where did you get my number, you devil spawn?” There was a lack of bite in the moniker and Taeyong could hear him hurrying around the room.

“How about you get ready and run to class before you miss it. I’ll answer your question later.”

The line went dead and Taeyong stared at the contact info, snickering a little before straightening and returning his attention to the teacher.

They were already fifteen minutes into the hour-long lecture when Doyoung sheepishly peaked in through the door. Taeyong caught a glimpse of his rosy cheeks before the boy walked in, settling down into his usual seat. Professor Choi gave him a pointed look and Doyoung mumbled a sorry before easing his breath.

_He ran here, cute._

“Since you’re late, let me repeat myself.” Professor Choi ended the one way staring match and walked to the podium. “This week we are going to have you working in pairs to evaluate any historical building of your choice.”

Doyoung held back the sigh, he couldn’t handle yet another group project.

“The pairs can be formed however you want, it doesn’t matter to me but the grading will not be individual. You will receive marks as a team, just keep that in mind.”

That helped ease some of his anxiety, at least he would have some control over how high his blood pressure would get during the week.

“I will give you five minutes to pair up and then we shall proceed with today’s lecture.” Professor Choi turned his mic off, watching as students hustled here and there, some high fiving each other, others acknowledging their partner with a nod.

“Wanna partner up?” Jaehyun asked, poking Taeyong’s shoulder.

“Sorry, Jae.” The boy smiled apologetically. “I have someone in mind. You can pair up with Jungwoo, yeah?”

Taeyong leaped up from his seat, making his way down the steps of the lecture room to the front row where Doyoung sat rooted to his spot, turning his head occasionally to find some to pair up with.

“Looking for me?” He startled the boy when he suddenly appeared behind him and Doyoung let out a yelp.

Taeyong chuckled at his response, raising a brow at him before he asked,

“Wanna pair up, Princess?” It sounded as innocent as he had wanted it to but Doyoung’s exaggerated reaction made him cackle again.

“With you?” Doyoung scoffed. “I’d rather have my right foot bitten off by a rabid dog.”

“I’m sure that’s not true plus everyone has already found partners. Just you and I left. I say its fate.” Doyoung hated the smirk that followed Taeyong’s absurd statement and he was about to argue but Professor Choi beat him to it.

“What’s wrong with being his partner, Mr. Kim?” Both boys were thrown off a little, unaware that he had been listening to their banter.

“Uh…” Doyoung took a while to come back to his senses. “I don’t like him.”

He sent a glare Taeyong’s way when he gasped, grasping his heart with both hands.

“Don’t be this way, Doie. You’re killing me.”

“Doie?” Doyoung’s eyebrows shot up, eyes turning into saucers. “Don’t you dare call me that!”

His voice had gotten high, the way it always got when Taeyong had managed to successfully rile him up.

“Oh then is, baby, okay?” Doyoung’s face was burning up at the thought of Professor Choi hearing all this.

“Stop it! Fine, I’ll be your partner just stop!” A few people sitting close by chuckled, including Professor Choi who shook his head before walking back to the mic and turning it on.

The lecture proceeded seemingly well, Taeyong sat beside him silently focusing on the slides as they passed. He occasionally looked over to Doyoung’s notes but other than that he was bearable and Doyoung thanked the Lord Almighty.

“So, Partner?” Taeyong caught up to him as he tried to hurry out of the room. “When can we start the assignment?”

“I’ll be starting mine tonight,” Doyoung said stressing the words. “You can do your part and email it to me. After I’ve read through it I can add them to mine.”

He continued to walk towards the Architecture building, Taeyong following a few steps behind. They attracted quite the attention.

“What’s that supposed to mean? We’re supposed to work together. It’s a group assignment.”

“And a group assignment it will be. I just can’t work and tolerate you at the same time.”

“Tolerate me?” Taeyong had had enough of keeping up with Doyoung’s freakishly long legs. He pulled the boy to a stop by the sleeve of his shirt. “What have I ever done for you to tolerate me?”

Taeyong saw passing students slow their paces to witness the drama but he could care less.

“You exist. Isn’t that enough?” Doyoung sounded annoyed and Taeyong couldn’t for the life of him understand what he had done.

“Honestly, Doyoung if anyone has been tolerating anyone it’s been me for the past three years.” Taeyong had never used this tone with him before and Doyoung was momentarily thrown off before the scowl returned to his lips.

“Not my problem you can’t take a hint!” He moved a step closer, squaring his chest to tower over him. “I keep telling you to stay away from me. Should I dumb it down for you? You. Me. Stay. Away.”

The thing about Doyoung was that he could be pretty intimidating when he needed to be. He had bad posture but once he straightened up completely he was the human embodiment of freakin’ Godzilla.

“Why do you even hate me so much?” Taeyong tried to keep his voice stable. For a boy who had been babied his entire life, courtesy of being the youngest in his house, he had never been talked to so harshly. Even though Doyoung was never necessarily nice to him he had never been this outright despicable. The lack of sleep and caffeine all came together at once as Doyoung finally burst. 

“Don’t you get it, Taeyong? I hate everything about you! Your loud hair, your loud laugh, your loud friends! I hate it all.” Doyoung was exasperated. “Just please… stay away from me.”

He walked away but not before he saw the tears pooled at the brim of Taeyong’s eyes. Doyoung turned away right after the first one fell and Taeyong turned the opposite way, speed walking back to the direction of his dorm. It all crashed down at him at once and the consequences of his actions began to weigh down on him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a little eager to post this since half of it is already done hehe hope you liked this one. let me know how you liked it


	4. Architecture students may like this too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As an actual architecture student, writing this chapter broke my heart a little. lol I hope you guys enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing it.

He should’ve been happy, downright hysterical but somehow, making Taeyong cry felt more like a sin to him. Doyoung could barely focus on the concept sketches he had sprawled out on his desk, the studio bustling with its usual life.

His desk was way in the back, away from the noise, away from the hustle. He worked more on the floor than on the desk and Doyoung found himself sliding down the wall, his knees pulled up to his chest as guilt crept in.

 _Why did he even cry,_ he thought, _He’s the one who got annoyed with me in the first place? The audacity!_

He was pulled out of his thoughts when a throat cleared above him. Expecting to see his studio supervisor, it was safe to say Doyoung was unpleasantly surprised when he looked up to meet eyes with Jaehyun and Yuta, two out the seven boys Taeyong hung out with.

“What do you want?”

“You crossed the line today, Kim,” Jaehyun spoke while Yuta silently glared at him, the slit in his eyebrow making him look more like a gangster than a university student.

“It’s not my fault your friend has a problem reading signs.” He stood up, dusting his hands on his pants and pretending to be immersed in his work.

“Actually,” Jaehyun dragged out his words, moving to Doyoung’s side of the desk and leaning back on it, nudging the boy’s chin up with his knuckle. “You’re right. It is his fault that he has a heart of fucking gold and he actually tried to make you like him.”

Doyoung scoffed, sporting a smirk as he pulled his face away from Jaehyun’s hold.

“Haven’t I made it pretty obvious that I don’t like him?” He cocked his head to the side.

“You’re a piece of trash, you know that?” Jaehyun squinted.

“Calling names? What are we 12?” Doyoung let out a dry chuckle.

“How about I wipe that smile off for you?” It was Yuta who spoke next, advancing dangerously close.

“How about you try?” If Doyoung was intimidated he didn’t show it.

Yuta grabbed him by the collar, backing him up into the wall. Jaehyun held him back reminding him that he was already on probation and Doyoung wasn’t worth the expulsion.

On their way out, Yuta “accidentally” spilled the container of paint water all over Doyoung’s sheets. The boy gasped, quickly picking them up and trying to revive them but the sheets were thin and the water had already made the ink spread. Three days of work lost in a matter of seconds. He had no control over the angry tears that spilled out.

“Get lost.” He growled at them, cradling his lost sheets as a mother would to a frail child.

A howl of laughter erupted from the 2nd-floor dorm on the North end of the campus as 7 boys did their best to fit onto the two single beds placed parallel to each other.

“You guys should’ve seen his fucking face!” Yuta was all but doubled over. “ _Get lost_.”

He imitated Doyoung’s voice and the rest burst out once again.

“You should’ve filmed it!” Mark slapped Johnny’s thigh as he let out a high pitched cackle.

“Guys…” Taeyong was the only one not laughing. He stared at his friends grimly, failing to find the situation even remotely amusing. “Why did you have to ruin his work?”

“Hyung, he made you cry.” Jaehyun reasoned.

“I can take care of myself, Jae. I didn’t tell you what happened so that you two would act all tough and go bully him.”

Jungwoo nodded from beside Taeyong, also unamused by the tale.

“It’s not nice to bully someone. I have a friend in Architecture I know how hard they work. Poor Doyoung.” He shook his head, tsking at the boys sprawled out across the beds.

“Poor Doyoung?” Mark asked, “He deserved it.”

The rest made sounds of agreement.

“No one deserves hate,” Taeyong stated.

“Oh yeah?” Jaehyun countered, “He sure has no problem hating you.”

Taeyong let out a small laugh.

“Jaehyunnie, I have you guys to love me when he hates on me. I have Taeil Hyung and Kun Hyung when you aren’t there. I have an entire team of thirteen people to support me when he hates on me. When have you ever seen anyone on his side? Or anyone to praise him when he does well?”

Silence hung in the air as Taeyong continued.

“Do you know why I’ve been trying to get close to him? So he doesn’t feel as lonely. Tell me when have you seen him at any university event or game? I sure don’t remember. I’ve only ever seen him alone, immersed in his work. No one deserves to feel lonely, Jae. No matter who they are.”

“He sure isn’t a personality to get close to.” Yuta murmured.

“I know he puts on a tough face but I’m sure he’s not a bad person.”

Taeyong said, remembering that time in sophomore year when he had seen Doyoung helping a stray kitten off the road. That was probably the first time he had seen the boy smile and Taeyong swore it could put the sun to shame.

“I think you’re right,” Jungwoo patted his thigh. “I volunteer at the library on Wednesdays and I’ve seen Doyoung Hyung helping the foreign students with their homework. Do you know that Chenle kid? And Sicheng?”

Everyone nodded.

“He helps them with their Korean.”

Taeyong stood from his spot, seven pairs of eyes following him.

“Where are you going?” Johnny asked.

“To apologize.”

It was a race against time as Doyoung worked on getting everything done before his submission in two hours. He was panicking. His breath hitched when he realized he still had no views drawn out and his sections lay crumpled in the corner of his desk. The panel behind him was bare only a single plan pathetically pinned up.

He wanted to cry but he had no time to break down. The quality of his work was being compromised as he sped through it and Taeyong’s heart all but broke when he saw the frenzy he was in. He realized it wasn’t the right time to interrupt him so he decided to help instead.

Doyoung jumped a little when the marker was pulled out of his hand, turning to find Taeyong smiling up at him.

“I got this you go sketch what isn’t done yet.” Doyoung had no time to argue and he hesitantly moved out of the way, clearing a part of the desk and setting up his drafting tools.

“Do you even know what to do?” He asked, having half a mind to do it all himself.

“This is it right?” Taeyong asked pointing at the ruined drawings and Doyoung nodded.

“I took art in High school. I got this.” He winked at the boy and got to work.

Doyoung was desperate and Taeyong realized that when the boy got to work without any arguments. He was trusting Taeyong with his work and the latter felt his heart swell a little at the gesture.

They finished just a little over time. The jurors had already begun taking rounds, going around to each individual’s panels, critiquing and grading their work. Doyoung was lucky he sat in the furthest corner which gave them an advantage of time. He pinned up the last sheet right before they came up to him.

Taeyong stayed with him, sitting on the empty desk adjacent to Doyoung’s. His smile grew with each compliment he received on his work.

“The rendering could use a bit of work, Mr. Kim but apart from that I think your concept is phenomenal.” One of the jurors said once Doyoung was done explaining.

“Agreed,” The other one said, “Your attention to detail is amazing just work on the rendering a bit, okay?”

They walked away with pleasant smiles and Doyoung collapsed on the ground with a sigh, hiding his head in his hands as he took in a shaky breath. Taeyong joined him.

“Can I sit beside you now?” Doyoung had no energy to fight and he nodded in defeat.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that. I had no idea they did that, otherwise, I would’ve come over earlier.”

Doyoung raised his head to look at him.

“You didn’t do a pretty good job.” Doyoung gestured to the sheets, no bite in his words, just a small smile. “Thank you.”

He said when Taeyong pouted at him.

“I’m sorry I made you cry.” Taeyong waved him off.

“Does this mean we’re friends?”

“Hell no!” Doyoung exclaimed, jumping to his feet and pointing an accusing finger at the boy. “I still hate you. The thank you was only for the help.”

Taeyong shrugged, standing up after him.

“At least I can use this to blackmail you into working together on the assignment.” He had an evil grin on his face. “And to get you to come to my game this weekend.”

“Why would I do that?” Doyoung defensively folded his arms in front of his chest.

“Because I helped you get your work done?”

“I will never go to one of your stupid fan fests.” He scoffed.

“A fan fest without my biggest fan?” Taeyong mocked and Doyoung ignored him, turning to pack up and leave.

“Oh come on, Doie.” He knew he had succeeded at getting his attention when he saw Doyoung’s shoulders stiffen.

“I mean you don’t want anyone knowing you went all soft for me just a second ago do you?”

“You’re evil.” Doyoung gritted his teeth as Taeyong flashed his infamous smile.

“See you Saturday, then?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so a few points to note. I know you might be wondering and even if you're not let me explain. Mark is a second-year Civil engineering Major but hangs out with them because he takes dance with some of them. the rest of them are third years, yes even Johnny and they have known each other from highschool (Ty, /jaehyun and Johnny). Taeil and Kun are seniors but love TY because of his optimistic attitude. the dreamies are all freshmen and knew Mark in Highschool since he was their senior. Mark is good friends with them and usually hangs out with them as well.   
> Out of ot21- Doyoung is the loner.  
> Taeyong is the captain of the volley ball team.  
> The volleyball team: Taeyong, Jaehyun, Johnny, Yuta, Jungwoo, Lucas, Jisung, Hendery, Mark, YangYang, Xiaojun, Kun, Taeil and Ten.  
> Sicheng is Kun and Ten's best friend and hangs out with the entire volleyball team as do the dreamies.   
> UUf that was a lot. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter uwuw


	5. It's better to be held than holding on.

Time was cruel. If spending the entire week with Taeyong, working on their assignment wasn’t torture enough, Saturday came sooner than Doyoung would have wanted it to. The boy spent the entire day working on his sculpture in the studio to avoid even accidentally seeing a certain blue-haired boy.

His phone rang just as the sun was preparing to dip into the horizon. Doyoung picked it up without much thought as he walked home appreciating the changing colours of the sky, a smile barely playing on his lips.

“Hello?” He almost sing songed.

“Someone’s in a good mood.” Taeyong’s voice suddenly brought him back to harsh reality. “Just called to remind you of the promise you made me.”

Doyound rolled his eyes. He hated the fact that he was letting Taeyong boss him around just because of one moment of vulnerability. This was the exact reason why he was so against asking people for favours, they started acting as if they own you afterward.

“I remember, Lee. You don’t need to rub it in.” He groaned, rubbing his face in annoyance.

He had been annoyed a lot more than usual these days and the reason for it all refused to let him be at peace.

“Can’t wait to see you, princess.” Taeyong clicked his tongue once before the line went dead.

Doyoung had exactly one hour to mentally prepare himself for the feat he was about to conquer. Jeno was ready to leave by the time he reached home and he decided it would be better to leave with him than go alone and feel even more out of place.

“You said you hated volleyball.” The boy raised a judgmental eyebrow at him.

“I still do.” He gave a tight-lipped smile as he picked out a clean hoodie, it would be chilly on his way back. “I just need to get this over and done with.”

Jeno shrugged, not being a man of many words and waited by the door till Doyoung was ready to leave. Both of them walked to the gym in awkward silence, with Jeno tapping away at his phone and Doyoung counting the steps he took.

_2003_

He counted as they reached the well-lit building, meeting Jeno’s friends on the steps. They shared pleasantries as they entered the rec center and Doyoung immediately felt nauseous. The game hadn’t even started yet the place already smelt like sweat.

The need to vomit only increased when Taeyong met his eye from across the gym and quickly made his way over. The freshmen walking with him stopped in their tracks as soon as Taeyong approached, pleasant smiles directed his way.

“Hi Hyung!” They chimed and Doyoung willed back the gag.

“Hey, guys. Jisung’s right over there!” He pointed to the youngest standing by the net with Lucas towering over him laughing like a deranged seal. Doyoung’s right eye twitched just watching him double over.

“Hey, baby.” He took a couple of steps towards Doyoung, smile shifting from one of adoration to something Doyoung had gotten used to but couldn’t pinpoint.

“Let’s get this over and done with, yeah?” Doyoung blinked as if trying to focus his eyes.

“I guess we’ll be winning today, seeing as an angel has descended to watch us play.” Taeyong cocked his head, chuckling a little at the look of disgust on Doyoung’s face.

“Can you at least try and be a little less greasy in front of the kids?” Doyoung gestured to the scarred freshmen behind Taeyong and the latter only laughed, grabbing him by the arm and directing him to a seat in the bleachers.

“I saved you the best seat in the house. You’ll see me the best from here.” He winked at him, “And I’ll know where to look when I need to see you.”

“Is there a bathroom somewhere near?” Doyoung asked innocently.

“Yeah right out those doors.” Taeyong pointed out.

“Good I’m going to go puke real quick.” Doyoung gagged causing Taeyong to laugh again.

“Can you let go of my hand now? It burns.” Another snide comment that had Taeyong giggling but the older complied.

“Keep your eyes on me, babe.” He winked one last time before slipping away, fluttering his arms a little like they were wings.

Doyoung questioned his entire life in the next 90 minutes. For one, his head was pounding because of the screaming and hooting around him and frankly, he thought Taeyong was just showing off with his fancy tricks, successfully, however, if the squealing around him was any indication. Secondly, the glares were intimidating him. He thought he had imagined it at first when the girl behind him shoved him and then growled at him instead of apologizing when he turned his head. He was sure it wasn’t an accident and then was positive about it when during the break he met Jaehyun’s eye on the court and the boy gave him a dirty look.

The half time came and Doyoung sucked in a large amount of air, filling his lungs and then letting it all out. Only 45 minutes to go, he could do it. He was no quitter. His pep talk was interrupted by ping and he checked his phone only to find a text from Taeyong.

 _Who else would text me?_ Doyoung sadistically scoffed at how pathetically empty his inbox was.

_Enjoying the game?_

The team had returned to the locker room to freshen up but somehow Doyoung sensed that Taeyong could see him. Doyoung decided to scowl just in case he was being seen.

_Can I go home now?_

He replied.

_How will I see your beautiful face if you leave early?_

Doyoung looked up and his suspicions were proven true when he saw Taeyong smiling at him from the double doors leading to the showers. He stuck a finger in his mouth pretending to gag and Taeyong shook his head, chuckling lightly before returning inside.

The game ended with a whopping 29:51, bringing home the sixth win of the season. The crowd went wild, chants and hoots flying here and there. The team ran to their captain, hoisting him up as the crowd began to chant his name. They were going crazy and Doyoung took the opportunity to weave out of the crowd and leave the bleachers. He would’ve easily left without being noticed but we’ve been over this, his lucky star was probably dead in a ditch somewhere.

He muttered a curse under his breath when he heard his name being called, turning to find Taeyong approaching him. His shirt stuck to his chest from sweat and his chest heaved from loss of breath. He was lightly chuckling when he caught up to him. And Doyoung found it embarrassingly hard to pull his eyes away from Taeyong’s chest and look up at him when he spoke.

“Leaving already?”

“I held up my end of the deal. We’re even now.” Doyoung bowed mockingly. “Now if you’ll allow me.”

He tried to make a run for it but Taeyong held him back, encircling his wrist with a clammy palm making Doyoung groan.

“Don’t be silly.” He looked serious. “The team is going to go celebrate. Join us.”

Doyoung raised a brow,

“Why would I voluntarily hang out with you and that gang of yours?”

“Free food?” Taeyong offered.

“Free?”

“Yeah it’s my treat every time we win.”

“Don’t you guys always win?” Doyoung asked, slightly baffled, “What are you made of money?”

It was Taeyong’s turn to scoff.

“How do you know we always win, I thought you didn’t keep up with volleyball. Are you keeping tabs on me, Doie?”

Doyoung scowled at the pet name.

“I don’t, but, Jeno does.”

“Oh,” Taeyong nodded. “Well, whatever. Come with us. It’ll be fun. Jeno will be there too, all of Jisung’s friends always come. It’ll be fun.”

Doyoung felt greedy. If not ever then just one night to know what it felt like to have a huge group of friends, laugh, drink and eat without a care in the world and hang out with actual people rather than through a screen. He was about to cave when they were interrupted.

“Hey, Taeyong steak won the poll…” Jaehyun’s voice trailed off when he saw the scene before him.

“What’s going on here?” He asked, eyes going from their faces to their hands and then back.

The sound of hoots and laughs was getting closer and Doyoung felt anxiety bubbling up.

“I was just asking Doyoung to join us for dinner,” Taeyong explained. His smile dropped when Jaehyun suddenly laughed out dryly.

“Oh were you now?” He mocked. “Hey, guys!”

He motioned for the team to come over, in a matter of seconds they had an audience of 18 more people, watching their every move and Doyoung tried wringing his arm out of Taeyong’s hold but he felt weak with all the unnecessary attention.

“Jae…” Taeyong was cut off when Jaehyun suddenly announced;

“Taeyong here was just asking Doyoung to join us for dinner guys!”

A few prominent faces scowled, grunts of disapproval startling him.

“I’m suddenly not hungry.” Mark shrugged, picking at his nails.

“Yeah me too.” Yuta looped an arm around Mark’s neck.

“I guess we all are kind of full.” Johnny shrugged and the team hesitantly joined in on the nodding.

“Guys, don’t be like this.” Taeyong tried to reason but his voice was drowned out by various others.

Doyoung saw Jeno’s confused eyes searching his face and he gave him a small smile before tugging at his arm again.

“Taeyong please let go.” Doyoung sounded small and it tugged at Taeyong’s heart.

“No. Wait.” He pleaded. “Guys!”

The team held their ground, angry faces waiting to counter anything Taeyong tried to ask of them.

“I’m seriously not even hungry. Please let me go.” Doyoung couldn’t recognize his own voice over the loud drumming in his ears.

He pulled his arm free with one final tug, quickly running out of the gym before Taeyong could do anything to stop him. He didn’t let the tears fall before he was at least a yard away from the building. He ran all the way to his room, throwing himself onto the bed once he reached it.

Doyoung did his best to control it but his brain wouldn’t stop. His breathing was uneven and every time he closed his eyes all he saw were cross faces and angry scowls encircling him. He felt so small, so weak. Doyoung felt like he could break any second. His lungs were on fire, he couldn’t breathe.

_In. Out. In. Out._

He tried to coach himself but it didn’t work. His vision was blurring, was it because of the tears or the lack of oxygen he didn’t know. All Doyoung knew was that he was having a panic attack and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

The shivering stopped after what seemed like hours and he felt himself slipping into unconsciousness. That’s exactly how Jeno found him when he returned to his room that night. The younger boy shook his head, guilt seeping into him for having done nothing to stand up for his older brother when he needed him.

Doyoung dreamed of nothing but darkness that night, ugly, terrifying darkness and all he could feel was alone. Alone in a world that never had mercy on him. Alone in a world where there was so much warmth around him but none close to him, none inside him. His heart was as cold as a block of ice and just as he thought it was preparing to thaw, someone cranked up the cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment down below what you think of the storyline so far. I really have no other way of knowing what you think without comments. hehe enjoyyyyy


	6. Dear Diary,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a few things to note. so no one is actually exactly their same age in this apart from the dreamies. So basically 127 is aged ranging from 1998-1999 with Doyoung being in 1997. I hope this makes sense lol but yeah...

_Dear diary,_

_I saw minhyun and chan playing on the swings today. I wanted to go play with them but I had to finish my homework for the academy so I couldn’t. Tonight I will finish all my homework so that I can play with them tomorrow._

_Diary, I really wish I would rank first this time so that mom can let me go play too. She said that if I rank first we can hold a big birthday party as we did for Gongmyun Hyung. I’m going to work really hard this time._

_2 nd September 2006_

_Dear Diary,_

_I didn’t rank first. Minha beat me to it by only 2%. I came second though but second isn’t a rank. Mom says I can’t have dinner tonight. I deserve it. I should have worked harder to get first place._

_Hyung told me it was okay to come second but mom and dad say he’s wrong. Hyung can’t be wrong, right diary? He’s older than me so he must know better but mom and dad are older than him so I guess they’re right._

_I’ll come first next time so I can make mom happy._

_30 th September 2006_

_Dear Diary,_

_I filled out the form for the presidential position today. Mom says minjun aunty’s son was president in middle school and got to go to a good college. I really want to go to a good college too. Maybe if I win this election mom would let me go to the annual dance this year. I’ve never been._

_If I get permission to go I’ll ask Hera to go with me. I hope she says yes. Fingers crossed._

_14 th March 2010_

_Dear Diary,_

_I feel pathetic today. I lost the election. What was I even thinking? No one wants to elect someone they don’t even know as president. I cried in the bathroom during lunch. I hate going to school so much._

_Today, Ms. Jung asked us to pair up for a project and no one wanted me in their group. In the end, she told me I could do mine on my own and she’ll be lenient in marking because I worked alone._

_I’m so lonely, all I have is you diary._

_1 st April 2010_

_Dear Diary,_

_Today was the first day of high school. We had an ice breaker session during morning assembly and I couldn’t speak at all. I ran out of the hall and spent the entire day hiding. What’s wrong with me, diary? Why can’t I do simple things?_

_I can’t even rank first, can’t become sc president. I’m a failure. That’s what mom says, I think she’s right. I will never be as popular or smart as Gongmyun Hyung._

_2 nd August 2012_

_Dear Diary,_

_Mom found you today. All 6 of you. Can I even call you diary if I’m writing this on a piece of paper? My head hurts so much. Mom says I should focus on studying rather than writing stupid things in you. She hit me. I haven’t looked in the mirror all day, I’m so afraid I’ll cry if I do._

_I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up again. I don’t even know why I keep doing the wrong things._

_30 th November 2012_

His eyes felt heavy when he woke up. Doyoung could feel that the room was bright but he didn’t want to open his eyes and see. It felt like there was a weight on his chest, keeping him in place and stopping him from sitting up.

There was movement around him, the rustling of sheets, a few cautious steps then they stopped. A hand tenderly placed on his forehead, Doyoung wanted to flinch at how cold it was but he couldn’t. A distant knock then footsteps again. Doyoung couldn’t move.

“He hasn’t woken up yet.” Was that Jeno?

“He probably didn’t eat either.” Chenle? Doyoung could recognize the awkwardness of his pronunciation.

“Should we call Taeyong Hyung?” Doyoung couldn’t recognize the new voice, his eyes were itching to open but his mind stopped him.

“I don’t know what to do.” Jeno sounded distressed, it made Doyoung guilty.

The next time his mind woke up, the room felt dark. Not just felt dark, it was dark. Doyoung opened his eyes to find the room empty, lights turned off and the curtains drawn. He dragged his hands down his face, sitting up. His head felt lighter now and he threw his legs off the bed, feeling the soft carpet underneath tickle the pads of his feet.

A flailing neon sticky note caught his eyes.

_Gone to the supermarket. Be back real soon._

His phone told him it was already noon. It wasn’t worth wasting time to wallow in self-pity, he had a pile of assignments to finish for the coming week and Doyoung decided it would only do him good to get out of his head and do something productive.

Changing into clean clothes, he washed up before walking to Jeno’s desk and pulling out a random pen from the cup.

_Going to the studio. Won’t be back till late. DW :)_

The smiley face mocked him from the neon surface of the paper and Doyoung turned away quickly.

Two hours of peaceful nothingness. He stood back and evaluated the progress he had made. His model was almost finished and Doyoung patted himself on the back for being so quick. Maybe by sundown, he’ll be able to complete the entire project. With a newfound motivation to finish what he started, he rolled up his sleeves and got back to work.

“A little birdie told me I’d find you here.”

Doyoung jumped a little, line going array. He looked up, heart wrenching a little upon seeing Taeyong leaning against the door, smiling at him.

“Jeno…” Doyoung sighed, shaking his head in disappointment.

“Funny what a kid would do for a free bagel, isn’t it?”

Taeyong walked towards him, hands behind his back like he was hiding something.

“You’re literally the last person I want to see right now.” Doyoung feigned nonchalance, turning his attention back to his sheet, erasing the line that had gone wrong.

“Really? ‘Cause you’re literally the only person I want to see right now.”

Doyoung gasped when he felt hands on his waist, turning him on the stool to come face to face with Taeyong.

“I promised you food last night.” He lifted a plastic bag up with his index finger, the other hand still grasping Doyoung’s waist. “I don’t go back on promises.”

“I’m not hungry.”

Any other day, Doyoung would’ve looked him right in the eye and pushed him off of himself but he had no energy to raise his voice or his hands and all he did was sit there, letting himself be held. Taeyong took one of his hands, removing the pencil from it and replacing it with a foil-wrapped sandwich.

“I didn’t know what you like so I went for the safe choice and got you chicken.” He helped pull the foil back, beckoning Doyoung to take a bite.

The latter stared incredulously instead, mouth parted slightly. Taeyong cocked a brow, doing his best to keep a neutral smile plastered on his face. In reality, the older boy wanted to cry. Doyoung looked horrible. His eyes were sucked in, lips dry and parched. Although Jeno had said that he slept through the night, Doyoung looked like he had been awake for days.

“Eat.” Taeyong’s voice bordered on a whisper. He was afraid that if he spoke a decibel higher, the boy in his arms would break.

Doyoung cautiously brought the sandwich up to his lips, taking a small bite. Taeyong stayed like that until he had finished it all. He moved to open the can of soda for him before returning his hands to hold him, rubbing soothing circles on his hips.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” Doyoung couldn’t help but ask, breath hitching in his throat every time Taeyong’s thumb moved over his waist. “I don’t need you to pity me.”

“I don’t pity you.” Taeyong chuckled dryly. “I want to be your friend.”

Doyoung was taken aback. He placed the can on his desk, eyebrows furrowing at Taeyong.

“You what?”

“I want to be your friend, Doyoung. Can I do that?”

Doyoung shook his head, shutting his eyes tight to keep the tears from falling. He didn’t know what to feel. A part of him wanted to push Taeyong away, yell at him to leave and never come back. A part of him wanted to tell him he hated him. But another part, a small but prominent part of him wanted to pull the boy closer, wrap his arms around him and beg him to never let him go. That tiny part of him wanted to weep into Taeyong’s shirt and if possible, never let g.

“Can I please be your friend, Doyoung?” Taeyong asked again, his voice low, soothing.

“I… I don’t know.” Doyoung shuddered out. He was starting to shake a little but Taeyong held him, moving a little closer and wrapping his arms around his waist.

They stayed like that for a while, Taeyong hugging him and Doyoung letting himself be held.

“Y-yes.” He breathed out after a while, so low that if hadn’t been so quiet in the room, Taeyong would have missed it. “Please be my friend.”

Taeyong pulled back, keeping him at arm’s length. He beamed up at him, nodding enthusiastically. Doyoung nodded, too, cautiously at first afraid of it all being untrue. He forced on a smile, mimicking Taeyong’s.

“You know what friends do?” Taeyong asked.

“What?”

“They spend their weekends together, silly.”

Doyoung wasn’t given room for argument as he was dragged out of the studio, things left behind. He grabbed his phone just as Taeyong pulled him out, leading him to God knows where but for once, Doyoung didn’t mind being bossed around. He was willing to follow his new friend anywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!!! Let me know what you think of this newfound friendship? Do you think I rushed it a little?


	7. The calm before the storm

Spending the last day of the weekend with Taeyong left Doyoung with mixed feelings. They had only gone to a café near campus and afterward, walked around the park until sundown. It had felt all sorts of wrong and Doyoung thought he was being dramatic but now, thinking back on it he realized how wrong it really had been.

For the past two years, all Doyoung had done was shown the boy his best scowl, leaving no opportunity to let him know how much he absolutely abhorred him and for the past two years, all Taeyong had done in return was show him his million-dollar smile, always saving him a compliment, a cute pet name or if nothing, a small gesture of consideration.

Even now, after Doyoung had made him upset and caused trouble among his friend's group, Taeyong had nothing but kindness to show him. He made sure Doyoung had eaten, making sure he was taking breaks and, getting him to go out and try new things.

It felt wrong for a reason. Doyoung felt guilty for the harm he had done all because of his petty insecurities. He remembered the time he would beg his mom to go to the park on weekends like the rest of his classmates or to the movies when he heard other kids in class making plans, the answer had always been no and after some time, Doyoung stopped asking.

It’s not like he never had friends. In elementary school, Doyoung had had two friends he would play with during breaks but once he started an academy for extra lessons, he barely had time to keep up with them and them being kids soon grew further away from him. Now that he thought back on it, Doyoung wondered if learning to play Bartok’s Concerto No.2 was worth it if it meant he would end up being the shadow on the wall in school.

Haunting memories of the past played back in his mind like an old reel spinning on a projector, some parts missing, others vivid as if they had happened yesterday. He was pulled out of his traumatic pity party when his phone rang.

An unknown number flashed on screen but Doyoung recognized it. Making a mental note to save the number, he slid his thumb across the screen, bringing it up to his ear.

“We spent the entire day together. Why are you calling me?” There was no bite behind his words, just playful sarcasm. It came naturally and Taeyong was grateful that nothing drastic had changed between them, he liked Doyoung the way he was.

“What can I say? I just can’t seem to get enough of you.” Doyoung could almost see the smirk playing on his lips.

“What do you want?”

“Just wanted to hear your voice before I went to sleep.”

It was then that Doyoung realized Taeyong was whispering into the phone.

“Why are you whispering?” He asked.

“Jungwoo is sleeping. Don’t want to wake him up.”

“You should sleep, too.” Doyoung peeked at the digital clock on Jeno’s desk to find that it was almost 11 pm. He wondered where the boy was.

“I’m just about to…” Taeyong paused to let out a yawn. “Just wanted to tell you I’ll pick you up tomorrow, let’s walk to class together.”

“Why? You live in the North wing, idiot.”

The door to the room opened and closed and a few seconds later, Jeno walked into the room, greeting Doyoung with a smile.

“I want to go to class with you,” Taeyong whined.

“How about I just meet you in the middle and then we can walk the rest of the way together.”

He seemed to understand that better because Doyoung heard him make a sound of agreement on the other end.

“Go to sleep, dumbass. I’ll see you in the morning.” He ended the call.

“Was that Taeyong Hyung?” Jeno asked, appearing from the bathroom. He was wearing an oversized t-shirt over sweatpants and Doyoung inwardly cooed at how young he looked. He nodded.

“You were with him today, right? So, that means you know what happened last night?”

Jeno sat on his bed, the dim lighting of the room casting a grim shadow on his face.

“What happened last night?” Doyoung’s curiosity got the best of him. Having spent the entire day with Taeyong, the latter speaking volumes about anything under the sun, never once had he mentioned the events of Saturday night.

“Hyung didn’t tell you?” Jeno made a face, nodding after a while.

“I guess he was embarrassed.”

“Embarrassed of what, Jeno?”

“Well…” Jeno dragged his words out until he caught sight of Doyoung’s pointed glare. The younger straightened his back before narrating the events of the past night.

“Wait,” Doyoung spoke for the first time after Jeno had finished speaking. “Chenle and Jisung stood up for me?”

His voice was thick with unwanted emotions.

“Yeah, and once Chenle has said something, Jisung has no option but to agree. He adores him.”

“Oh…” Doyoung looked down at his twiddling thumbs, avoiding Jeno’s eye.

“It’s not just that, though.” Doyoung smiled at the thought. “Taeyong Hyung took us out to dinner. He just gave his card to Jaehyun Hyung and told them to go ahead without him. He seemed pretty pissed.”

Doyoung had half a mind to scold him for the language but the somersaults his heart was performing hindered his senses of differentiating between anything at that point.

“Why would he do that?” It was hard to believe the story Jeno was telling.

“Do what?” The boy asked obliviously.

“Abandon his friends like that.”

“Beats me.” Jeno shrugged. “To be honest, though, they weren’t being all that fair. Anyone in their right mind would want to put them in their place.”

It kept him up all night, even when Jeno had slipped away into a deep slumber, Doyoung stared up at the ceiling, counting the minute cracks that had developed over time. It didn’t help ease the guilt knowing that Taeyong was well on his way of ruining his terms because of him. Why would anyone, really, put everything on the line to defend someone that had done nothing but spew venom at them from the get-go.

“I think we should all just apologize to Taeyong Hyung. It’s obvious it bothers him that we aren’t as welcoming of Doyoung.” Jungwoo suggested as they settled down in their seats, waiting for the lecture to start.

“Where even is he?” Mark asked, poking his head out from behind Yuta.

All the boys looked to Jungwoo for answers.

“I don’t know. He was gone when I woke up.”

“All bets on, he’s with Kim Doyoung.” Jaehyun was bitter and he did nothing to hide it.

As if on cue, the doors to the lecture room opened and Taeyong walked in alongside Doyoung, animatedly talking about something that put a smile on Doyoung’s face. They garnered quite the attention, heads turning as soon as they came into view. People always were interested in other people’s lives more than their own business.

Doyoung caught a glimpse of Jaehyun’s stink eye but he ignored it, keeping his eyes down as he settled into his seat, Taeyong taking the one beside him. Professor Choi approached the podium not too long after, and the class began. Doyoung tried to will down the bubbling dread inside of him but the irrational feeling of something about to go wrong took a toll on him. He put it to the back of his mind, however, when he felt Taeyong rhythmically patting his thigh.

It would all blow of soon, or so Doyoung thought, ignoring the seven pairs of eyes examining his every move. He feigned indifference but somewhere in his mind, he knew a storm was brewing. It was now just a matter of when it would finally pour down on them.

A week went by with him seeing Taeyong almost every day after the boy’s last class. Doyoung didn’t really have a set schedule, spending the rest of his day in his design studio trying to keep on top of his work. Taeyong had taken to the empty desk near Doyoung’s and they slipped into a comfortable routine, with Taeyong bringing over his homework to the studio and Doyoung being content with just having him there. They got along quite well once Doyoun learned to look past the surface and realize that Taeyong was so much more than what he let on.

For one, he was an absolute weeb. Half of the time they spoke, Taeyong would eat Doyoung’s ears off talking about any new anime he had watched. He had tried to get him to watch one as well but Doyoung just wasn’t a fan. He was also an amazing artist if the scribbled doodles on his shoes were any indication. He showed Doyoung pictures of his room back home, walls covered with colourful drawings of animated characters and doodles that he had done himself.

All in all, Taeyong was an expressive person and even though it had only been a few days of them being “friends” Doyoung felt like he had known him for decades. All that being said, even though it all felt so right, something still felt off. Every minute he spent with Taeyong felt like a ticking bomb and Doyoung couldn’t help but wonder when it would finally go off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so Taeyong didn't tell Doyoung about Saturday night but Jeno did. What else do you think happened on Saturday night when the boys went to dinner all alone??? I guess you'll have to read to find out heheehehe


	8. Tension, Apologies and Projected Genitals

“It’s been a fuckin week,” Jaehyun slammed his hand onto the hardwood of the gymnasium floor, jumping up to his feet.

The boys sat in a circle on the floor during the break, drinking water and cooling off before the captain called another round of practice. Said Captain was currently busy helping Jisung perfect his spotting. It had been almost 5 days since Taeyong had properly addressed his friends, save for the instructions he gave them during practice or acknowledgment during their shared classes.

“If none of you are going to say something, I am. He’s treating us like we’re flies on the wall.”

No one tried to stop him when he left the circle, marching over to Taeyong. Mark followed close behind, tagging along to control the situation if need be.

“Captain, we have to talk.” Jaehyun spat out, bitterness evident from his tone of voice.

“I’m busy.” Taeyong didn’t spare him a glance, returning his attention to a hyper-aware Jisung.

“I said…” Jaehyun grabbed him by the arm, dragging him to the back of the gym by the locker room doors. “We need to fucking talk.”

Taeyong let out a loud sigh, turning to face him and crossing his arms over his chest in defense.

“I don’t appreciate this.” He said, glancing back at the concerned faces looking over to them.

“You don’t seem to appreciate anything but Kim Doyoung these days.” Jaehyun was bordering on ferocious, the rational part of him holding himself from doing something he would end up regretting. 

“I don’t have time for this,” Taeyong glared back at him, eyes hardening at Doyoung’s mention. “If you don’t mind I have to lead the practice now.”

Jaehyun blocked his way when he tried to slip away.

“We’re going to talk about this now, Taeyong. How long do you plan on ignoring us? Huh? Want us to feed your ego by apologizing to your little boyfriend?”

Taeyong narrowed his eyes on him, stepping an inch closer to assert superiority.

“Actually, yes, I would like it if you apologized to him. And secondly, try blocking my way again and we’ll be playing a very fun game of guess what part of Jaehyun I cut off.”

That left both Mark and Jaehyun speechless. Never had anyone seen Taeyong this maddened. He was seething and you could practically see the steam coming off of him. He shoved Jaehyun’s hand off of him, turning and walking away to the middle of the court when something clicked and he suddenly addressed the rest of the team.

“Just because I haven’t spoken about it yet doesn’t mean I’m not still angry about it. As the captain of this team, I hoped that at least a few of you would have the human decency to make decisions based on facts rather than gossip and rumors. I’m afraid I was wrong,”

The boys began to gather around to hear him better, cautious not to make a single sound that would infuriate him further.

“It’s always better to look into things before taking action, I have always told you guys this. I expected you to understand that this applies both on and off the court but once again, I was mistaken. I am so utterly disappointed at the attitude you all portrayed after last week’s game. Most of you don’t even know Doyoung.”

He pointed to Hendery,

“Tell me, Huang, what do you know about him?”

When he didn’t reply, Taeyong pointed to Ten,

“Go ahead, anyone. Anyone who can tell me one thing about Kim Doyoung that you hate or love or even know. Other than the fact that he used to hate me. You don’t know do you?”

He looked around at his team, some looking down at their feet others regretfully staring back at him.

“And you guys,” Taeyong spread his arms out turning to his group of friends that stood a little further away, Mark and Jaehyun having joined them. “My best friends.”

He let out a snort.

“I thought you knew me better than this. I don’t even understand what you have against the poor kid. I’ve learned to let it go, I’m the one he hated, right? If I can let it go why can’t you? Why?”

Taeyong seemed so desperate to get his point across, somewhere in his heart he just wanted people to get to know Doyoung as he had over the past two years. Not once had he taken anything Doyoung said to him as a disregard. He always tried to look past it, catching glimpses of him on campus, taking pictures of flowers in the spring, stepping on crunchy leaves in the fall. Kim Doyoung was just another ordinary kid who had been massively misunderstood.

“You know what, just go!” He threw his arms up in defeat. “Practice is over. Go home.”

“Taeyong?” Yuta spoke first, startling the boy a little.

They were alone in the locker room after everyone had left, the seven of them standing in a circle around him.

“We want to apologize.” Yuta continued and Taeyong saw the rest of them nod, even Jaehyun who did so forcefully but it still meant a lot. “We misunderstood you and we’re willing to give it a chance.”

Without a word, the blue-haired boy stepped forward, enveloping them all in a hug, even though most of them didn’t fit in his arms, he still tried.

“Jae, I’m sorry I lashed out on you.” Taeyong flashed a meek smile.

Jaehyun let out a dry laugh, looping his arm around his neck and catching him in a loose headlock.

“It’s okay. I was asking for it.” He ruffled Taeyong’s damp hair. “I’m gonna be honest, I’m not completely on board with all this Kim business but I’m willing to try.”

The annual movie night was coming up. The seniors arranged a back to back screening of movies to run all night two weekends before midterms for all the underclassmen. It was known as the best event the university ever had since there were no chaperons and that meant all the rave.

“I don’t know…” Doyoung said when Taeyong brought it when they were studying together one Wednesday evening.

“Oh c’mon. I want you to go so you can also get along with the guys.” Taeyong left a pen as a marker in his book before walking over to Doyoung’s work station.

“It’ll be so fun. Last year Kim Donghyun got stupid drunk and stripped in front of the projector. It was hilarious.” Taeyong laughed at the memory and Doyoung made a face, failing to understand how a man’s genitals projected onto a wall could be funny.

“I’ll think about it,” He said to get Taeyong of his back.

“I’m serious,” Taeyong inched a little closer, “It’ll be the best night of your life, I promise.”

His smile did seem promising and Doyoung found himself caving in before he could process what he was doing.

“Fine. I’ll go.” Doyoung groaned when Taeyong’s hoots echoed around the empty studio.

“Keep it down! You’re going to wake the dead!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this is going painfully slow, isn't it? I promise more will happen soon for now just enjoy he build up!!


	9. Frozen peas, Kim Donghyun and more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire episode is the day and night of the movie night. lol. it's a long boi.

Saturdays were starting to become a day full of nothing but dread, regrets and anxiousness for Doyoung. He woke up to Jeno and Jaemin, sitting on Jeno’s bed with their backs against the wall. Doyoung turned his head to find their hands intertwined, Jeno’s thumb rubbing circles on Jaemin’s hand, both of them laughing lightly at something they were watching on one of their phones.

He felt bad for ruining their mood as he sat up, groggily rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Both the boys pulled apart, greeting him with a chirpy ‘good morning hyung’ and Doyoung acknowledged them with a single nod, a lazy smile directed their way as he dragged himself to the bathroom to freshen up.

It wasn’t until he saw his reflection staring back at him did he realize what he had gotten himself into. It startled the freshmen when they heard a loud yell before the door blasted open revealing a disarrayed Doyoung.

“The movie night!” He announced, voice high with dishevelment. “It’s tonight!”

“Yeah…” They answered in unison, eyes widening more as Doyoung groaned, pulling at his hair before walking back in to the bathroom and slamming the door shut.

He looked around the cafeteria, walking in as quietly as he could. He pulled his cap down on his head, keeping it low enough to hide his face but high enough so as to not blind him. Jeno and Jaemin gave him weird looks as they followed him into the dining hall, walking to the counter to get breakfast.

Doyoung jumped when Jeno tapped his shoulder to ask what he wanted, letting out a little yelp. With rosy cheeks, he stumbled over his words to tell him anything would be fine. Although the room was in its usual hustle bustle with people going in and out, some dining in groups, using the weekend to catch up, Doyoung felt all eyes on him.

He made the boys sit with him outside where there were less people. Two minutes into eating he realized why the outside sitting area was vacant. The wind pierced through their clothes, ribs and lungs on fire from having to breathe so hard.

“Hyung?” Jaemin’s teeth clattered in between words. “Can we please go inside?”

Jeno nodded in agreement, kimchi fried rice turning solid from the cold.

“I’m sorry guys, you go ahead.” Doyoung felt bad for dragging them along. He watched as they hurried in, probably on their way to get their food warmed up.

He gave up on eating when the boiled peas formed a slight crunch to them. Doyoung sighed, watching his breath cloud in front of him. He blew his bangs out of his eyes, looking around at the students hurrying into the building to get out of the wind. Sighing for the umpteenth time before getting up and dumping the rest of his food into the compost bin.

It was almost 2 in the afternoon and Doyoung had successfully kept himself from being found by anyone who would know him, which, sadly was not very many. He just needed to keep it up until it was late into the day and he could steer clear from going to the movie night.

Doyoung stalked down the hallway, peeking around the corner to see if anyone was still on campus. He shrieked, jumping two feet off the ground when a hand placed on his shoulder. He turned around, pale as a sheet to find Taeyong staring wide eyed at him, equally as terrified.

“What?!”

“Why did you scream?!”

“Why did you sneak up on me?!”

“Why are you sneaking around?!”

“Stop yelling at me!”

Both boys stopped to catch their breath, Doyoung leaning his head back on the wall, closing his eyes to compose himself before turning back to Taeyong.

“I’m sorry I’m just on edge.”

“I can see that.” Taeyong peaked at his face, “What’s up?”

“What? Nothing. What would be up?” Doyoung realized, in that moment, how bad he was at faking it.

“Right.” Taeyong nodded, “Wanna take a walk?”

Doyoung nodded and they strolled out to the green space right outside the Architecture Department. He was thankful Taeyong didn’t mention his jumpiness, trying his best to keep in stride with him.

“You excited for tonight?” Taeyong broke the silence.

“Yeah, really pumped.” Doyoung deadpanned, watching a young couple hurry across the street.

“Doie?” He hadn’t called him that in a while and it weirdly comforted Doyoung.

“Hmm?” He turned to look at him, trying his best to smile but failing.

“You okay?”

Doyoung sighed, shoulders drooping and lips quivering a little before he spoke.

“I don’t know about tonight, Taeyong. I’m just not sure your friends are going to be very pleased having me there.”

Taeyong took his hand, stopping him from walking and turning to face him.

“Hey…” He tilted his chin up, “You know, if you’re not comfortable you don’t have to go. We could stay in and watch a movie at one of our dorms or something.”

“Really?” Doyoung’s face lit up at the thought of Taeyong being willing to stay in with him. “But what about your friends?”

“Well, it starts at 8, so I can go and spend a little time with them and leave early to spend time with you.” He suggested with enthusiasm.

“You’d do that?”

Doyoung wasn’t used to the smile he received but it helped ease a few knots in his stomach.

“Of course I would, Doie. I’d do anything for you.”

There it was again, the guilt that settled every time Taeyong said something like this. It always made Doyoung realize what a burden he was on him. First emotionally and now both emotionally and physically.

As he walked back to his dorm and took a shower to clear his head, Doyoung couldn’t help but think how toxic he was starting to become. If it wasn’t bad enough that he had caused bad blood between Taeyong and his friends, he had forced two kids to suffer in the cold with him and now this, pulling Taeyong away from his friends because he was too afraid of what people might think if they saw him outside with Taeyong.

It was taking a toll on him and when Jeno returned home from class to change for the movies, Doyoung acted entirely on impulse. One second of courage was all it took and once he had said it, there was no going back.

“I thought you were going with Taeyong Hyung.” Jeno commented as Doyoung pulled out warm clothes for the night.

“I was but there’s been a change of plans. I’ll walk there with you.” He forcefully smiled at him, horrifying the boy in process as he quickly changed and spritzed on his favourite perfume. Doyoung layered on a few swipes of Vaseline on his chapped lips and clapped his hands.

“Let’s do this.”

Jeno kept glancing at him as they walked to the main grounds, worrying for his well-being every time Doyoung silently whispered words of encouragement to himself. In the end he gave him a small pat on the back just before they came close to the people that were starting to gather around the fire in the center.

“You got this, Hyung. We will all be right there with you.”

That did little to help ease Doyoung’s building anxiousness but it was better than nothing.

It was safe to say, Taeyong was pleasantly surprised when he caught a glimpse of Doyoung walking over with Jeno. He made his way over, skipping a few times before he reached them.

“What are you doing here?” Although he sounded shocked, the smile on his face gave away just how happy he was.

“I decided to come see what all the hype was about.”

Taeyong was ecstatic, he looped his arm with Doyoung’s dragging him along to where the guys were setting up their blankets.

“Guys!” He waved his free hand to grab their attention. “Look who decided to show up!”

A few of them smiled at him, Chenle leaping up and welcoming Doyoung with a loud laugh and an awkward side hug. Jungwoo was the only one to greet him with words, just a small ‘glad you could make it.’

It was going to be a long awkward night and Doyoung felt his palms sweating against the cold November air. Taeyong rubbed his back, giving him a reassuring smile before making place for him to sit beside him.

A few shrieks sounded as the first movie’s opening credits began to roll. Doyoung had not been expecting them to play a horror movie at a public event. What if someone had a weak heart, that someone being him, he tried to seem subtle when he moved an inch closer to Taeyong, the heat radiating off of him comforting him.

Having sensed his discomfort, Taeyong brought a hand behind him, wrapping it around his waist and pulling him in until there was no space left between them. Doyoung was too busy wiling down the colour spreading across his face to notice the family on screen drive down the long highway into the woods.

“You can hide your face in me if you get scared, baby.” Doyoung could practically hear the smile in his voice.

“I’m not scared.” He managed to say without stuttering.

Taeyong chuckled a little, turning his attention to the screen. Doyoung hoped Kim Donghyun would get impossibly drunk again. It would be better watching his genitals stand proud on screen rather than bloody Mary slaying children stupid enough to chant her name thrice into the dark.

Why were children so stupid, Doyoung wondered as he tried to look anywhere but the screen, the mother on screen let out a scream when the door opened, revealing the old lady from the cabin and Doyoung made for Taeyong, hiding his face into the crook of his neck, clutching his eyes so tight he could see stars in the dark.

“Not scared, huh?” Taeyong mused and Doyoung swatted his arm lightly, holding his shirt to keep himself from screaming.

It took all he had in him to peal himself away from Taeyong but Doyoung managed to do so. He excused himself to go use the bathroom and hurried to the nearby business department. For the first time, Doyoung didn’t have time to think about the eyes he felt on himself, using all his energy to calm his erratic heart. He blamed the rising pulse on the movie rather than the faint scent of Taeyong’s cologne or the way the boy’s arm wrapped around him like a security blanket and definitely not at the warmth that seeped into him when he was near him, how he could slip into Taeyong’s warmth forever and never care about another thing ever again.

He returned to find the ending credits rolling. Students were getting up to stretch their limbs before the next movie started. He noticed a few of them lingering close to their spot and upon getting close, realized that they were talking to Taeyong.

Doyoung loitered in the back, joining Jeno and Jaemin who were trying to get Jisung to stop crying.

“What’s wrong?” Doyoung asked, eyes prying away from Taeyong’s back to the boy breaking down in front of him.

“I al-m-most died.” Jisung cried out and Doyoung saw Chenle roll his eyes.

“Ya Park!” Chenle hauled him up to his feet. “Come on let’s walk it off.”

They saw Chenle shaking Jisung as they walked away and a little giggle slipped Doyoung’s lips when the latter let out another breathy whine.

“I guess you don’t like horror movies either,” Renjun, the other Chinese kid he helped tutor, turned to him with a coy smile on his face.

Haechan turned around to face him too, looping an arm around Renjun’s neck and wiggling his eyebrows like a deranged monkey waiting to steal your corn.

“Say, Renjun,” Haechan put on a thinking face, tapping his chin in mock wonder, “Does cuddling help with fright?”

Both boys hummed in unison, mimicking each other’s posture, aware of the way Doyoung’s face flared up. Jaemin chuckled a little, asking them to stop and they burst out into a fit of giggles.

“Honestly, Hyung, if someone told me two weeks ago that I would be able to see you snuggling up to Taeyong Hyung first hand, I would’ve slapped them.”

Haechan was having a hard time breathing, alternating between dying and laughing.

“I wasn’t snuggling!” He tried to defend himself but Jeno patted him on the back.

“It’s okay to snuggle, Hyung.”

“I wasn’t, okay!” He was turning into a beetroot. “I was scared and he was the closest thing.”

“Thing? Oh, Doie you hurt my heart.” Taeyong appeared from behind him, joining in on the teasing.

“Stop attacking me!” Doyoung demanded, his cheeks puffing out as they did when he was frustrated. “I was just scared.”

“You look beautiful right now.”

It was sudden and the cackling immediately stopped, four heads turning to look their way. Taeyong smiled fondly up at Doyoung’s face, the moon lighting it up. His cheeks deflated upon the sudden compliment and he stared back at Taeyong blankly, lips parting slightly to understand the fleeting butterflies that had been let loose in his stomach.

“We should settle down, the movie is about to start.” Taeyong broke the silence he had induced, walking back to his spot and lying down on the pillows propped up against the icebox, leaving enough room for Doyoung.

This time, Doyoun blamed the erratic beating of his heart on the cold and the irritation from the teasing because it definitely wasn’t because of the way Taeyong’s eyes softened upon seeing him or the easiness with which endearments and compliments just rolled off of his tongue. And, Doyoung told himself, it most definitely, 100%, totally, wasn’t because of the way Taeyong’s eyes had lingered on his lips just for a few seconds before he slipped away. Definitely not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed. I'm starting to venture into the depths of their relationship. soon we will discover new things about the characters, things that we might not know and new sides of him we didn't expect. enjoy lovlies.


	10. "Do we even know if he swings that way, though?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an entire chapter of the dreamies bullying Taeyong

“You all have been gathered here today to discuss the most exciting thing to happen in all 19 years of our lives.”

Haechan announced as he clasped his hands in front of himself, smiling brightly at his best friends who nonchalantly looked back at him, used to his antics by now.

“I’m not even 19.”

“Shut up, Jisung. So as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted,” He pointed to the youngest sitting opposite him on the round café table. “We are all here today to discuss the unison of an enemy and a lone pinner of sorts. From hatred to love, the thrilling romantic tragedy coming to screens all over Korea this November!”

Renjun smacked him upside the head, successfully stopping him from going further.

“You’re an idiot. How is it any of our business?” He asked, catching wind of where Donghyuck was eventually going with this.

“How is it not our business?” The spark in his eyes scared them a bit. “We are experiencing this first hand and as soon as the chief guest gets here we will commence stage 1 of operation: TaeYoung.”

“That’s a stupid name.” Chenle pitched in, leaning into the nonsense. “It should be called DoTae.”

The others braised themselves for the bickering that was about to ensue. They went back and forth until Jaemin suddenly broke it apart.

“Wait a minute!” He said, holding Chenle back with his arm. “What did you mean by chief guest?”

As if on cue, the bell above the door dramatically dinged as Taeyong walked in, waving at them as soon as he saw them sitting near the back. The mischievous grin on Hyuck’s face had the rest of them turning pale.

“What?!” Taeyong lifted off the seat a little due to the intensity of his shriek, repeating it a little lower when people turned to look their way. “What did you just say?”

“Oh come on, Taeyong Hyung. You admitting it would just make it easier for us to go through with Operation TaeYoung.”

“By ‘we’ he means him.” Jeno pointed out. “We had no part in this.”

“Don’t come to hog the victory, then, when they finally get married, hoe.” Donghyuck stuck his tongue out like the mature adult that he was and slummed back into his seat.

“Okay, okay! Alright!” Taeyong mediated. “First of all, Doyoung and I have just started being civil, I haven’t even thought about the prospect of having feelings for him yet. And Secondly, TaeYoung is a stupid name. DoTae would be much better.”

Chenle gasped.

“That’s what I said.” He triumphantly punched the air.

“If that’s true,” Hyuck continued, ignoring Chenle, “Why do you go all googly eyes when you look at him?”

Taeyong was about to speak when he was interrupted.

“Or call him baby?” Jisung,

“Or spend your free time with him?” Renjun this time,

“Cuddle him when he’s scared?” Jaemin threw in.

They went back and forth mentioning all the things Taeyong thought he had been doing subtly so far but apparently not.

“You’re little devils you know that?” He feigned annoyance but inwardly cooed at how cute they all were, getting hyped about something so little.

“We’ve been told.” Renjun flipped his nonexistent hair, proudly. Scratch that, they weren’t cute. They were the actual spawns of devil.

“Okay look…” Taeyong paused, wondering if the information he was about to release would be in safe hands or not. In the end he just went for it.

“I’m not falling in love with Doyoung…” He paused for dramatic effect, the kids inching closer to the edge of their seats in anticipation. “I’ve actually liked him for a long time now.”

It felt good to finally have it off his chest and the look on everyone’s faces made it even more worth it.

“You what?” Chenle shrieked, Jeno slapped a hand over his mouth to save them from both ear drum damage and getting kicked out.

“Seriously?” He asked, expecting it to be a joke. “But he…”

“I know,” Taeyong nodded, “That’s why I never said anything. Honestly, at first I thought he acted this way because he secretly liked me or something and was trying to get my attention but that turned out to be wishful thinking.”

He chuckled at his imagination, the boys waiting patiently for him to finish. There was an underlying sadness in his voice, eyes drooping a little as he continued.

“I never thought someone would actually hate me so much you know and then this boy shows up with his perfect hair and his perfect height and he just despised me it messed my brain up a little. I didn’t think I would end up falling for him either. The first few weeks, I avoided him like the plague but freshmen year is mostly basic classes and we had a lot of them together.”

“I always tried not to look at him because, you know, he hated me and stuff but he was just so smart, always answering questions and always getting the best marks, I couldn’t help but wonder about him. I thought I was being silly when I thought I liked him because how can you like someone you know nothing about, right?”

The boys waited as he took a sip of his drink,

“Well one day, I had forgotten my coin bag in the music room. It had my hall pass in it so I had to get it otherwise I’d be sleeping outside so I went back late to get it and I heard someone singing inside.”

“Was it Doyoung Hyung?” Hyuck asked, impatient as always. Renjun shushed him, gesturing for Taeyong to continue. The older boy chuckled lightly.

“Yes, it was Doyoung. He was singing so beautifully, I remember standing there so long just listening to him. Then I heard him sniffing, and when I looked through the glass he was crying. Long story short, he saw me and then we got into a fight. Well, he yelled at me so I got my coin bag and left.”

 _“Are you okay?”_ Taeyong remembered asking.

_“Leave me alone.”_

_“You know Doyoung, if you need someone to talk to I’m always willing to listen.”_

_“Oh please. I don’t need your pity. Just because you saw me crying doesn’t mean you know anything about me, Lee Taeyong.”_

It still made him sad, to this day. It was mystery to him why Doyoung had been crying alone that day but it was the day he realized there was so much more to him than just the act he put on. Doyoung was broken in a way, cracks splitting open to let the light in but the darkness enveloped it before it reached his core. Doyung was delicate and Taeyong couldn’t bare something so delicate being crushed.

“That is so romantic.” Chenle sighed, laying his head on his folded hands on the table top.

“Yeah, well now we’re friends and I don’t want to ruin it by confessing my creepy feelings for him.” He admitted.

“Your feelings aren’t creepy, Hyung.” Jaemin assured. “You’ll just have to wait for the right time to tell him.”

“Do we even know if he swings that way, though?” Haechan asked the obvious.

“Donghyuck!” The rest of them yelled in unison.

“What I’m asking important questions here people.” He shrugged in defense, showing his palms.

“He’s right…” Taeyong took another sip of his drink to stop himself from sighing. “I don’t know that yet.”

“Well then let’s find out.” Jisung suggested.

“How?” Taeyong asked, looking around. His eyes stopped their trailing on Jaemin and Jeno. The two boys sat closer than the others, hands intertwined in Jaemin’s lap. “You two, you’re dating.”

He stated rather than asking and the boys in question shared a look before nodding.

“How did you know that the other was gay or not?”

The rest of them laughed at that.

“Jaemin was openly gay since elementary school.” Renjun commented.

“And Jeno?”

“Well, let’s just say when I kissed him he didn’t pull back.” He smiled at the boy beside him, leaning in a planting a soft kiss to his cheek making the others groan in disgust.

“Get a room you two.”

“No no wait!” Taeyong’s hair stood on end from frustration. “So you just kissed him? Without knowing what would happen?”

“We’ve been friends since we were five, Hyung. I just had a feeling and went for it.” Jaemin smiled again, it was seemingly contagious because Taeyong found himself smiling along.

“He did it when we were star gazing together on his roof after his 16th birthday.”

Both boys shared goofy grins at the memories and this time the table cooed.

“So, Taeyong Hyung.” Jaemins clapped twice. “Do you get a feeling when you’re with him?”

“What kind of feeling?” Taeyong never knew his life would stoop to such a level of desperation, he was sitting here in a bubble tea café taking advice from children whose only concept of love, so far, had been going to prom with their crush.

“Like a weird feeling, like you’re going to throw up or die. Or both.”

“I’m sorry I don’t think looking at him makes me want to do either of those things.” Was it the generation gap, he wondered or were their ideas of love very different from each other’s

“Okay, Jaemin shut up.” Renjun said, “Don’t mind him he’s a bit weird. What he meant was like do you feel butterflies around him, knots in your stomach, dry throat?”

Taeyong thought for a bit then hesitantly nodded.

“Not a lot, maybe because I’m comfortable with him being close to me what with the death threats and all but yeah… when he looks me in the eyes I feel like time kinda stops and when he was scared that day, during the movies. He was breathing against my neck and I felt like my stomach was stuck in a cargo train.”

The boys grinned at him knowing they had won.

“There you go, those are your signs right there. If he wasn’t gay, he would probably be weirded out when you called him beautiful that day but what did he do instead? He went back to his place beside you and watched the rest of the movies with you.”

Taeyong nodded, Renjun had a point. It was scary thinking about confessing to Doyoung but it had to be done sooner or later. For now, he decided on later rather than sooner. Just a few days, maybe weeks until Doyoung was completely okay with them being friends. Then he would shoot his shot and finally come clean. Maybe.


	11. Siri play Kiss me by 5SOS

It had been a week since the little devils had gotten hold of him. A week that proceeded with them making remarks and innuendoes to tease Taeyong any chance they got. It had gotten to the point that his own friend’s group had caught on.

“The kids have been pretty chatty these days,” Jaehyun mentioned, dribbling the ball as he walked up next to him. Taeyong kept his eyes on the boys playing dodge the ball with Jisung, the youngest being the only one targeted.

“Yeah,” He smiled up at his best friend, “I’m glad they’re starting to warm up to us.”

“They seem to be warming up to Doyoung, too.” Jaehyun commented dryly, “Good for you.”

“What about you?” Taeyong turned to him, eyes searching his face for validation.

“It’ll take time for me to get used to it.”

That was okay, he thought. It was natural, getting used to someone new like this was tough but Taeyong was willing to wait. He still needed time himself, he was willing to give time to Jaehyun as well.

Taeyong lingered at the door, moving to the side to avoid being in the way. He tried to stay behind the panel by the wall, peeking from behind it. It seemed a shameless thing to do, but he wanted to stand and stare at Doyoung for a while. Doyoung pushed his hair back from his face, holding it there as he pouted at a paper in his hand. His cheeks puffed out and he sat back to ponder on whatever it was he had been doing.

Taeyong made no move to hide when the boy caught sight of him, pout immediately being replaced with a gummy smile. He could spend hours watching him, just sitting and smiling. Taeyong felt like he could write volumes just about Doyoung’s smile and still have so much more to say. As he made his way towards him, Taeyong formed a smile of his own, lost in thought.

“You seem zoned out,” Doyoung mentioned at some point, “What’s up?”

Taeyong had forgotten how long it had been since he had come over, his pen had left a blot of ink on the page from lack of movement. He had been sitting there staring at Doyoung’s side profile for God knows how long and now that he noticed, the boy was flushing from his head to his neck, ears sticking out and bright red.

“I’ve just had a long day.” He lied, closing his book. There was no use of having it open anyways.

The signs were there again, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Taeyong put his head down on his folded arms, taking a few breaths to calm himself. He felt a presence beside him, looking up to find Doyoung leaning back on his desk, looking down at him in concern.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You look a little pale.” Doyoung moved to check his temperature but Taeyong flinched, pulling his face away. He missed the hurt that flashed across Doyoung’s face, it was gone within a second.

“I’ll go get you some water.” He said, pushing himself off the table and turning to grab his wallet. A warm hand on his wrist stopped him.

“Did you know,” Taeyong started, standing up and turning Doyoung to face him. “That plants can be bisexual?”

“I did not know that,” Doyoung replied, eyes widening a little with sincere revelation.

“They can be,” Taeyong swallowed down a lump, taking a timid step closer. “Some plants have both female and male parts, they can reproduce and impregnate at the same time, isn’t that cool?”

Doyoung nodded, sucking his lips in to emphasize that he did in fact understand.

“It is pretty cool but umm…” He used his free hand to bother his ear. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Well, like plants humans are bisexual too, right?” Doyoung nodded again.

“So what do you prefer, Doyoung? Girls, Guys, Both?” Taeyong tried to sound casual, just two friends talking about their sexual preferences… while standing an inch away… holding hands.

“I don’t know.” Doyoung shrugged, eyes focusing on the near-perfect cobweb behind Taeyong in the back corner.

“You don’t know?” Taeyong tilted his head to the side and Doyoung shook his head.

“I guess I never thought about it.” He scratched behind his ear, eyes eventually finding Taeyong’s

“Oh…” Taeyong let out, letting go of his hand. “How about I help you find out?”

Doyoung had no time to address the question. An arm snaked around his waist, Taeyong standing on the tips of his toes to reach his height. A hand caressed his chin before he was pulled in to meet soft, warm lips. For a few seconds, Doyoung stood unmoving, brain freezing as soon as their lips came into contact. Once he was sure of what was happening, he leaned in, eyes closing as he let himself be lead through the kiss.

Taeyong shifted to his feet, leaning back on the table and pulling Doyoung along with him, the taller having to grip the desk on either side of him to stop himself from falling over. Taeyong wrapped his arms around Doyoung’s neck as the kiss deepened, raising himself up to sit on the table, giving the latter a more comfortable position to stand in.

It was everything he had imagined it to be. This wasn’t his first kiss but it might as well have been. Taeyong hadn’t thought this through, he wasn’t even sure he wanted it to go this far this fast but somehow his mind had convinced him that it was either now or never. The spontaneity of it made it all the more addicting and Taeyong felt tipsy, head threatening to lull had it not been for the hand that came up to support it.

When they pulled back, neither spoke for an entire minute. They stared into each other’s eyes, Taeyong searching for any signs of rejections and Doyoung wondering if he had slipped into a coma and this was all just a very realistic dream.

“I’ll go get us some water.” Taeyong suddenly said, wanting to escape the tension. He hopped off the desk, making a beeline for the exit.

When he returned, two water bottles in hand, and air back in his lungs, Doyoung was already packed up and ready to leave. Without a word, Taeyong placed a bottle in front of him and began to pack up his own things. He wanted him to say something, let Taeyong know if it was alright if he had crossed the line, anything but this.

The tension hung heavy in the air, the silence bouncing off of it in a dense frenzy. They strolled through the campus, walking to the dormitories where they would eventually split up. In his attempt to not fall behind, Taeyong took faster steps, hand brushing past Doyoung’s in the process. Before he could pull away, however, Doyoung took it in his own, linking their fingers without a word as they continued to walk.

It was surprisingly natural, the way their hands fit together, Doyoung’s cold fingertips warming upon coming in contact with Taeyong’s warm ones. They walked together, reaching the south dorms. Taeyong held his hand all the way up to his doorstep. Neither of them had any idea of what to say, eyes roaming the space around them.

“Well,” Taeyong took the lead. “Enjoy your evening.”

He teetered on the balls of his feet, letting go of Doyoung’s hand and stuffing them into the pockets of his pants. The latter nodded, sporting a tight-lipped smile.

“You, too.” He all but whispered, keys jingling as he moved to unlock his door. Just before he crossed the threshold, Taeyong spoke again.

“Doie?” He called out, testing the waters, relaxing when the other showed no signs of discomfort. “About earlier…”

Doyoung shook his head.

“Let’s talk about it tomorrow.”

Taeyong left and Doyoung was a mess. For once, the boy was glad to come back to a vacant dorm room. He didn’t know he was tearing up until the first drop rolled down his cheek. Doyoung gripped the bedsheets as he sat down, biting down on his fist.

It had felt like a wave crashing down on the shore. It was mystical and exciting when it rose up, touching the sky but terrifying when it eventually came down, crashing into the ground with so much force, it swept away anything in its path.

He threw himself back on the bed, thumb grazing over his bottom lip, the muscles underneath it still twitching. A dreamy smile danced on his lips, his first kiss, and that too with none other than Lee Taeyong. A boy. Doyoung jolted up, eyes widening upon realization. He had just been kissed, by a boy. He wondered if waves crashing were as consequential as this was about to be.

Maybe he had got it all wrong, the feeling inside of him wasn’t a wave crashing down on the shore. It was lightning striking on a lone tree. Beautiful and exciting, no doubt but it left the tree in nothing but a pile of ashes. Doyoung felt like the tree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it finally happened! Taeyong finally made a move. but why does Doyoung feel the way he does?


	12. Aftermath

Taeyon had been smiling ever since he woke up that morning and Jungwoo didn’t waste a second in passing that information on to the rest. The rest being Mark and Yuta, the ones who shared the same major as him. They sat back of the lecture hall, their structures professor going on and on about something related to load-bearing walls.

As soon as the lecture ended, Mark zoomed to his next one but not before making a small pit stop over at the business department. He knew exactly where to go, expertly weaving through the corridors and blasting through the doors of the boy’s common room, startling the other occupants. Mark walked right to the back where he knew he would find Jaehyun lying on a couch catching up on his sleep before his next lecture.

Lucky for him, today, the boy was awake. Jaehyun mindlessly scrolled through his social media, greeting Mark with a single lift of the brows.

“Get up!” His voice was high, higher than it got when he would talk about something he loved. “I have something to show you.”

Jaehyun did as told, half expecting Mark to tell him about another Spiderman movie that was being made. The youngest among them had only come to Korea 3 years ago, finishing his high school before joining the university. Although Mark was close to everyone, he felt a certain level of comfort with Jaehyun and Johnny since they bridged the language gap he faced with the others. Today, he came to Jaehyun because they shared the same revolting hatred for one Kim Doyoung.

“Okay, so you remember that night after the volleyball game when we all went to the bar.”

Jaehyun nodded, remembering the mess that had become of their sixth win.

“Well, Yangyang got a little too drunk, I was tipsy, too but I remember him telling me that he used to room with Doyoung Hyung back during freshmen year.” It became hard to contain his excitement and Mark’s knee bounced up and down as he unlocked his phone, continuing to speak.

“He said something about Doyoung not going home for spring break because his parents told him not to come home,” Jaehyun’s eyebrows shot up at the information being passed onto him. “I don’t know how Yangyang knew this but apparently, Doyoung had implied to his brother that he might be gay and it got to his parents and everything turned into a whole mess.”

“That’s pretty shitty,” Jaehyun commented just as his phone pinged, screen flashing from an incoming message from Mark. “What’s this?”

“Open it.”

His jaw slacked as soon as he hit play on the video, eyes quivering from the scene that unfolded in front of him. The video was taken from far away, the zoom causing it to pixelate but not enough to completely distort the only two figures moving in it.

“This is…” Jaehyun’s throat ran dry, “Where did you get this?”

The screen went black but he continued to stare at it, afraid of the answer.

“I filmed it,” Mark answered proudly and Jaehyun closed his eyes, his fears proving to be true.

“Mark,” He firmly spoke. “This is not good.”

“I know right!”

“No, Mark. I mean this is an invasion of privacy!” Jaehyun waved his phone in the air between them. “You can’t just film people without them knowing.”

Mark’s expression wavered, eyebrows slanting.

“I thought you’d be proud of me.” He sounded dejected.

“Proud of you? For this?” Jaehyun tried to keep his voice low. This had to stay between the two of them.

“Think about it, Hyung.” His face lit up again, “We finally have a way to get Doyoung away from Taeyong Hyung. We don’t even have to do much, just tell him if he doesn’t back off we’ll send the video to his parents. It’s foolproof.”

Jaehyun felt nothing but fear at that moment as it settled into the depths of his stomach. How could something like this excite him, Mark had always been a pure person, never had he ever said or done something so cynical. He looked like an absolute mad man, pupils dilated at the thought of his plan becoming reality.

“Have you lost it? Do you have any idea what you’re saying?” Jaehyun refused to believe his ears. “Delete that video right now. I’ll pretend this conversation never happened.”

Mark shook his head in disbelief. 

“I thought you wanted this…” He searched Jaehyun’s face. “Hyung, I’m doing this for you. With him out of the way you and Taeyong Hyung can finally be together.”

Jaehyun clasped a hand on Mark’s mouth as soon as the words escaped past his lips.

“I was drunk when I told you that,” Jaehyun hissed. “I told you not to speak of it.”

His frustration was building with nowhere to go.

“Mark,” He sighed, removing his hand and sitting back, head leaning on the back of the sofa.

Jaehyun pinched the bridge of his nose before straightening up and turning to face the boy.

“Look, if Taeyong was meant to be mine, it would’ve happened a long time ago. I’m not even sure if I actually like him or if it was a crush that went away with time. He has feelings for Doyoung, though, that much I know. I’m not going to do anything to hurt my best friend and you’re not either. Delete the video.”

Mark pulled away from him a little.

“You don’t even want to at least try?” He asked,

“Try? Of course, I do but not at the cost of my humanity. Blackmailing someone, causing trouble in their family? That’s horrible, Mark. We’re better than that, yeah? Delete it.” He repeated, desperate to get rid of the video before it got into the wrong hands.

“Fine. If you don’t want to go through with it I’ll delete it.” Mark showed him his screen as he clicked on the red delete button, watching Jaehyun physically deflate with relief.

“Let’s forget this ever happened, okay?”

Forget about it? Was it that easy to forget your first love? Mark wasn’t sure that it was. He walked out of the business department, eyes burning with purpose as he pulled up the backup drive on his phone, smirking at the video as it downloaded into his gallery again. Sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's that for a plot twist? lol I feel so bad for making my baby Mark the bad guy in this >_<  
> I hope you guys liked this chapter and please do anticipate more to come.


	13. Way too good at goodbyes

Doyoung hadn’t moved a muscle, sitting crossed leg on his bed. His phone lay motionless a few inches away from him, its weight forming a slight dip in the otherwise creaseless duvet. He felt his breath hitch a little, a storm running wild inside his head. Jeno eyed him from his own bed, curious as to what sort of battle his roommate was fighting with his phone.

“Expecting someone?” He decided to ask,

“Nope,” Doyoung answered without sparing him a glance.

Jeno sighed. Saturday’s had become a day of uncertainty as of lately but now that the boy thought back on it, every significant event in his life had taken place on a Saturday. His mother went into labor with him on a Saturday, the first time he broke a limb had been while playing on the monkey bar on a Saturday, he met the love of his life on a Saturday, skipping rocks by the river when they were 10, he had his first kiss on a Saturday, and now, his roommate had gone absolutely nuts on a Saturday. Jeno wondered if Saturday’s were his lucky day and he retrieved his phone from the nightstand to look it up.

Doyoung yelped, jumping on the bed a little when his phone made a faint ding, before hiding his face in his pillow like a hermit crab. He pointed a finger at the phone,

“Can you check who it is?”

“Me?” Jeno asked, looking around the room.

“I don’t see anyone else in the room.” Doyoung sassed, looking up, hair tossed every which way from the number of times he had run his hands through it.

“Jeez, mom, fine.” Jeno slipped off his bed, wondering if a fuse had quite literally gone off in Doyoung’s head. He had been sassing him all morning. First, it was about the dirty socks in the corner, Jeno’s corner mind you, then it was about the open tube of toothpaste and just when Jeno thought it was over, Doyoung forced him to go do his laundry before playing battleground with Chenle, and now this.

The freshmen picked up the phone, unlocking it and immediately tossing it back on the bed. He slanted his mouth at Doyoung, groaning and walking back to his own bed.

“Who was it?”

“Your service provider.”

Doyoung’s moan made his ears ring. He gave the older boy a horrified look, too many questions running through his head. He was sure Doyoung had lost it. Afraid of having to spend the entire day in one room with him, Jeno pulled on his shoes, deciding to go over to Jaemin and Renjun’s room instead.

“Where are you going?” Doyoung called after him, desperation written all over his face.

“Out.” Jeno quickly answered before running out.

Doyoung sighed, he was aware he was being difficult. Poor Jeno didn’t deserve to see his mental break downs. He couldn’t help it though, it had been exactly one day and 12 hours since Taeyong had kissed him, and ever since then, it had been radio silence.

He had expected to see him after class on Friday like he usually did but there was no sign of the boy even after Doyoung waited for half an hour. He felt like a completely different person ever since it had happened, too. Moody and extremely vocal about it. He had been ignoring the pile of work sitting on his desk, opting to lie in bed all day and stare at his phone, afraid to miss a call or text.

He gave up around noon, frustration reaching its peak. The underlying insecurities began to surface. He should’ve let Taeyong complete his sentence Thursday night. What if it was a mistake and he wanted to tell him that or worse, what if Doyoung had been a bad kisser and Taeyong was rethinking kissing him in the first place.

His thoughts were running a mile a minute, every possible scenario replaying in his head, every one of them ending in Taeyong breaking his heart. Did he like him enough for his heart to break? Doyoung sat up, hugging his pillow to his chest as the sun changed paths outside his window.

He had gotten used to the boy and sure he made his heart flutter but, anyone’s heart would flutter if a handsome boy said and did the things Taeyong said and did to him. At one point Doyoung told himself he was just overthinking because Taeyong hadn’t pulled his hand away when Doyoung had held it. The next minute, he was convinced Taeyong now hated him.

It was exhausting. When Doyoung woke up early on Sunday morning, the realization hit him like a ton of bricks. Three assignments due the next week and he hadn’t even started them yet. As he rushed through them, trying to make at least some progress on all of them, Doyoung wondered if his mother had been right to not let him make friends in school.

He didn’t need a distraction in his life, he had no time for them. That’s what Taeyong was, nothing but a distraction. For the past month and a half, Doyoung found himself focusing at the door more than his work, checking his phone like a prepubescent teenage girl awaiting a text from her crush.

It had been better when he hated Taeyong, at least back then he had a clear idea of what he was doing. Now, his mind was just foggy, dissolving into putty with every passing minute. Why did he start liking him in the first place, Doyoung pondered, a few acts of kindness and suddenly he was handing the reigns over to him, letting Taeyong play with him however he pleased.

When he settled to sleep that night, awaiting Monday morning, Doyoung decided to put his foot down. After class, he would talk to Taeyong and finally put an end to this madness. He had brought this upon himself and it was better for both of them of things stopped before they advanced further.

It was wishful thinking really, Doyoung thought, thinking about a future for himself. But it was fun pretending for a while that his life hadn’t already been scripted for him. It would’ve been great having to experience heartbreak like a normal person, but for him, crying was just another few lost hours he could not afford and Lee Taeyong deserved to at least be mourned for.


	14. 내게 말해줘  (Tell me.)

Taeyong sat beside Jaehyun, listening to the boys talk about their weekend gaming events. His eyes were trained on the door and he jumped to his feet as soon as Doyoung walked through them, going straight to his seat without sparing him a glance.

“Doyoung.” Taeyong cautiously approached, thrown off a little by the scowl on Doyoung’s face.

“What do you want?” The words cut right through him. Taeyong’s mouth opened and closed a few times, a few waded sounds making it out.

Professor Choi walked in and he decided it was best to talk to Doyoung after class. He timidly took the seat beside him, his heart shattering when Doyoung got up and moved to sit two seats away from him. It didn’t go unnoticed and even Professor Choi directed a worried glance their way before beginning to take roll.

“Mark what did you do?” Jaehyun whispered to the boy beside him. Mark looked back at him, confusion marring his face.

“Nothing at all.”

Maybe he wouldn’t have to resort to blackmail after all, Mark smirked.

“Doie!” A wave of nostalgia washed over him as Taeyong ran to catch up with him. He finally got close enough to grab hold of his upper arm, jerking him back a little harder than he had intended to.

Doyoung roughly pulled his arm out of his grasp, nostrils flaring.

“Don’t touch me.”

“What’s gotten into you?” Taeyong was sincerely puzzled.

“Me?” Doyoung didn’t care if his voice got louder. “Why don’t you ask yourself that, Lee?”

It was painful, watching everything he had worked for suddenly collapsing. Taeyong took a step forward, taking another when Doyoung didn’t back away.

“What’s going on huh? Talk to me.” He lowered his voice, hiding the quiver in it. When he took a hold of Doyoung’s hand his own was icy.

“You…” Doyoung forced himself to look away. “Forget it. It’s my fault.”

He tried to walk away but Taeyong held him back.

“No. You’re not leaving till we talk.”

“You want to talk? Fine.” Doyoung looked up, blinking a few times to stop the tears from spilling over. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry you had to waste your time only to realize it was all worth nothing. I’m sorry you had to force yourself to be stuck with me just because you pity me. I should’ve let you tell me it was all a mistake that night but I didn’t and got my hopes up.”

It was beyond his control by now and the dams broke, tears staining his cheeks.

“I’m sorry I burdened you with the constant need to be with me. But, you’re free now. I won’t hold you back I won’t take more of your-“

His words were cut off by soft lips taking their place, gentle hands cupping his face. The tears picked up their pace, falling with the same intensity as the kiss. It was short but enough to get his point across and Taeyong pulled back, hands still holding Doyoung’s face.

“Are you done?” He waited till the boy nodded.

“Good because I would like to speak now.” He dried Doyoung’s cheeks with the pads of his thumb before continuing. “I’m sorry for making you doubt my intentions. First of all, it wasn’t a mistake. It was actually the best kiss I’ve ever had.”

He paused to chuckle a little, his own tears starting to roll down his face.

“You’re not a burden on me, Doie. You’re anything but that. I…” He looked around, unable to find a private space where they could talk. “Go to dinner with me.”

Doyoung looked up at that, puzzled eyebrows shooting up.

“I want to tell you everything but not like this, not in a hurry.” He wiped away the remaining tears from Doyoung’s face. “Tonight at 6. I’ll pick you up. I promise I’ll tell you everything.”

Doyoung hesitantly nodded, inwardly smacking himself for caving instead of doing what he had planned to do. The more he waited, the more it would hurt but for now Doyoung pushed it to the back of his mind.

He watched the clock. Doyoung had returned back from classes as soon as they had ended and he now sat on his bed, dressed in a black button down and blue jeans, waiting for Taeyong to come pick him up. Even though, Taeyong had said he would explain everything, Doyoung couldn’t help but wonder what it was that he had to tell him. He also could not wrap his head around the fact that Taeyong had kissed him, again. Both times having been voluntary and initiated completely by the older. It put his heart at ease knowing that he had worried for nothing.

Not necessarily for nothing, though. There was still the prospect of his family finding out but for now, he had to make the best out of the situation. Doyoung planned on walking into this with an open mind. Whatever the night progressed into, he would allow himself to experience it in full, be it sorrow or happiness.

A light knock sounded and Doyoung drew in a deep breath only to lose it as soon as he pulled the door open. The corridor light did not do justice to the beauty standing in front of him. Taeyong’s blue hair, fading now, fell over his forehead, some strands teased and curled a little. The white shirt he was wearing was a complete contrast to Doyoung’s black one, making the light reflect off of it and onto his face, creating a halo around him. Doyoung thought he was imagining it but he was sure he had eyeliner on, his eyelids a little smoky and lips full, glistening in the light.

“Hi.” He rasped out.

“Hi.” Doyoung managed to say.

They walked in silence to a café and grill near campus, enjoying the cool evening breeze. It wasn’t the perfect weather to walk around in and Doyoung could smell snow in the air but it wasn’t too far from their dorms and the tension in and around them was enough to trap in the heat.

They ordered their food, handing the menus to the waiter. Taeyong looked at him properly for the first time that night. Doyoung had always been beautiful but today, it was evident he had made an effort. His shiny black hair styled up, a comma of hair revealing his forehead instead of his usual mop of hair falling over his eyes. Taeyong swallowed down a lump in his throat, taking a sip of water to buy himself a little time before he spoke.

“I guess we have a lot to talk about, huh?” He made up for the awkwardness with a chuckle, “Where do I even start?”

Doyoung clasped his hands under the table, sitting back and giving him his complete attention.

“I’m not going to hide the fact that I’ve liked you for some time now, Doyoung, frankly because I don’t want to anymore.”

Doyoung’s lips parted in disbelief but he kept quiet, letting Taeyong finish first.

“I’ve liked you ever since that night in the music room,” Taeyong put his hands up. “And before you say it, no, not because I ‘pity’ you.”

He made air quotes to emphasize.

“You intrigued me. At first, a pathetic approach to have everyone like me made me work to change your mind too but I grew out of it when I started seeing right through you, through all your baseless issues with me. You were more than that. Are more than that, and when I kissed you I did it because I wanted to. All those times I complimented you, I did it because I wanted to.”

Taeyong kept going, ignoring the glossiness in Doyoung’s eyes.

“You made me realize what a douche I was. Not in a bad way but I really was handed everything in a platter wasn’t I? You’re the one person who made me work for you, for your time, for your attention. I’m not a quitter Doyoung, so for you to think I would quit on you is absolutely absurd.”

“You didn’t call…” Doyoung’s voice came out meek, almost a whisper.

“What?” Taeyong leaned forward, afraid he had heard wrong.

“After that night, you didn’t call me all weekend, you didn’t come by the studio on Friday. What was I supposed to think?” Doyoung rearranged the cutlery on the table, eyes avoiding Taeyong’s.

“Is that what all of this is about?” Taeyong asked in disbelief, using all his strength to stop himself from laughing out loud. “Doie, I was just giving you a little space. It was hard not to call you or come see you but after what happened I just wanted to give you space to think about it without me being there to influence whatever decision you came to.”

Doyoung looked at him like he had suddenly grown a second head. It sounded like an excuse, that wasn’t how things were supposed to progress. His entire life, decisions had been made for him and so this just seemed like an excuse to get him to let the matter go.

“Don’t lie to me.” Doyoung countered.

“Why would I lie to you?” Taeyong asked.

“Because,” Doyoung thought for a while, drawing blanks. “Because no one ever tells the truth.”

Their food arrived before Taeyong could respond, instead he stared at him as the waiter placed the plates in front of them. He noticed the way Doyoung avoided his gaze, keeping it on the movement around them instead. His hands fidgeting under the table making the table cover move.

“Shall we eat?” He asked and Doyoung nodded, distracting himself with the task of getting food from the plate to his mouth all the while feeling Taeyong’s eyes on him.

The rest of the dinner, no one said a word. It wasn’t until they left the restaurant that Taeyong took the initiative. He took Doyoung’s hand in his own, steering him away from the road leading back to campus and instead towards the park.

They sat side by side on the swings, lightly pushing off the ground. Doyoung kept quiet, leaving Taeyong no choice but to speak again.

“I don’t say things if I don’t mean them.” He said into the silence, breath steaming in front of him. “I wasn’t lying when I told you I want to be your friend and I wasn’t lying when I told you I like you, Doyoung.”

He got off the swing, crouching down in front of Doyoung, taking both his hands and warming them in his own.

“I don’t know why you would think that but I want to know. I want to know everything about you, what you like, what you don’t like. I want to know you, Doyoung.”

Doyoung looked at him, his eyes watering slightly but he blamed it on the wind along with the quiver in his voice.

“Why?”

“Because I like you a lot. And that’s what you do when you like someone, you get to know them.”

Doyoung nodded slowly, gulping before speaking again.

“I think you’re a flirt.”

That made Taeyong laugh and Doyoung joined in. After a few seconds of enjoying the awful weather, they decided to head back before they froze to death. Taeyong walked Doyoung to his dorm, a habit he had come to form. Before Doyoung unlocked the door he stopped him, mustering up the courage to ask one last thing before the night ended.

“Can I be your boyfriend?”

Doyoung looked at him for a while, expression unreadable before a shy smile broke out on his face. Taeyong sighed in relief, eyes lighting up when Doyoung’s smile slowly grew, cheeks picking up colour in sync with his heart.

“Is that a yes?” Taeyong asked, shifting from foot to foot.

Doyoung nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are so amazing, you always notice the little things I'm trying to imply and comment paragraphs about the, I was wondering if any of you noticed how Taeyong always asks Doyoung things instead of telling him. like eg. "Can I be your boyfriend?" Instead of "Go out with me." Little things like this when doyoung is anxious   
> lmk what else you noticed about Taeyong and Doyoungint he comments


	15. Bye, my first...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To everyone slightly thrown off by the title of this chapter, I'm sorry. It's not about Dotae, you'll understand what it is at the end of the chapter.

In his entire twenty-two years of being on Earth, this would be the second volleyball game he would attend but this time things were different. Unlike before, this time Doyoung was going because he wanted to not because he had to and now he would be going as Lee Taeyong’s official boyfriend as opposed to his number one (one-sided) arch-nemesis.

Jeno walked with him to the rec center and this time they were the ones waiting for the rest of Jeno’s friends. The younger decided to pocket his phone a strike up a conversation. It was already proving to be a different experience than his first. 

“So,” He smiled at him. “Don’t hate volleyball anymore?”

There was an underlying tease in his question which confused Doyoung.

“Not really.” He replied diplomatically,

“I see.” Jeno wiggled his brows, smile turning into an all-knowing grin.

“What?” Doyoung was disgusted.

“Nothing. Just saying, maybe it’s not the game you like.”

Before Doyoung could play into it and ask Jeno what he meant by that, Haechan tackled the boy, greeting Doyoung with a hello before continuing to torment Jeno about a text he didn’t reply to. The rest joined them like normal human beings, walking up to them and choosing to ignore the ruckus and greet Doyoung, dragging him into the gym and leaving Jeno alone to deal with Donghyuck.

Taeyong was surprised to see Doyoung walk into the crowded court, surrounded by the devil’s spawns. They simultaneously wore smirks on their faces, Renjun and Chenle on either side of Doyoung, arms looped with his as they wiggled their eyebrows at Taeyong. These kids brought nothing but trouble with them and Taeyong decided it was best to get Doyoung away from them.

“I didn’t know you were coming today, Princess.” He had mentioned the game to Doyoung in between conversations but he didn’t know the boy would actually show up.

“Taeyong.” Doyoung lightly smacked his arm as he let himself be pulled away from his younger friends. “Don’t call me that.”

Doyoung looked around to make sure no one had heard.

“But I always call you that?”

“That was before… you know,” A hint of pink painted the apples of his cheeks, fidgeting with the sleeves of his coat unable to complete the sentence.

“Before what?” Taeyong asked, feigning obliviousness. He peaked at Doyoung’s lowered head, smiling innocently up at him.

“You know…” He repeated, shoving Taeyong lightly to create a safe distance between them.

“Oh, you mean before you were my boyfriend?” He asked and Doyoung shushed him.

“Stop being loud.” He hissed. 

Taeyong wrapped his arms around Doyoung’s waist, pulling him closer and resting his chin on the latter’s chest to look up at him.

“How is it okay to call you princess when we’re friends but not when we’re together?”

Doyoung’s blush intensified as he stiffened in Taeyong’s hold, thanking God for the shelter the bleachers provided from the public eye.

“Is it okay if we tell our friends, at least?” Taeyong asked, rubbing small circles on Doyoung’s back to ease him. It worked because the boy visibly relaxed, bringing his own arms up to wrap around Taeyong’s neck.

“Just your friends.” Doyoung nodded.

“Our friends.” Taeyong corrected, kissing Doyoung’s cheek just as the call for assembly sounded. “Gotta go, babe. Watch me.”

He winked before running off.

Doyoung did watch him. Just him actually. It was hard to miss him, his blue hair a striking contrast to the others. Taeyong was a force to be reckoned with on the court. He was a natural, the way he moved was so fluid you would think his bones were made of jelly. What else were you to expect from a dancer? But right now, Taeyong wasn’t a dancer. He was the volleyball team captain, Lee Taeyong. The boy everyone looked up to, the boy everyone adored. Doyoung’s heart swelled with pride, how lucky was he to have the honor of calling the university’s star boy as his.

Doyoung remembered thinking Taeyong was just a spoiled kid with everything handed to him no matter where he went but at that moment he realized how wrong he had been. Sure, Taeyong had parents who were willing to let him follow his dream and study what he wanted to but other than that, the credit of all his success went to no one but him.

Lee Taeyong had been the first underclassman ever to make team captain out of all the senior candidates, he was chosen because of his natural leadership skills and his dedication to teamwork. He had also been the longest-running captain in a row, breaking all records and winning all inter-college games for three years in a row.

Apart from sports, Taeyong was well known for his expressive dancing, winning the university awards by competing all over the country. Among the department faculty, he was known as “The Mad Man” because that’s what took over him when he danced.

Doyoung’s heart was full as the final buzzer went off, announcing their 9th win for the season. When the crowd jumped to their feet, hooting and shouting with joy, Doyoung remained in his seat. He couldn’t put a finger on what he was feeling just then and it took a few minutes for him to realize it was fulfillment. For the first time in his life, Doyoung felt content and he didn’t know what to do with it.

The crowd began to disperse after they had celebrated and Doyoung waited by the exit with the kids for the team to appear. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous. It was nerve-wracking but he could do it. Taeyong had done enough for him, he could at least stand by him as he announced to his closest friends that they were together now.

It felt like an ironic joke of sorts, having the person you couldn’t stand at the beginning of the semester as your boyfriend nearing its end.

The team blasted through the locker room doors having showered and changed, still pumped about the victory that was leading them to the quarter-finals. Doyoung didn’t even realize when his lips turned up into a smile but he knew at that moment, seeing Taeyong smiling and laughing with the people he cared about, that this is where he belonged. In the spotlight, surrounded by nothing but than love and support.

He didn’t know how long he would be able to spend with the boy, but the days he had left, Doyoung wanted to make the best of them. So, he let Taeyong hug him when they finally approached them, letting himself be held for a little longer than necessary before they pulled away.

This time, the team greeted him with cheers and high fives, adrenaline pumping through their veins even Jaehyun gave him a gentle smile before walking out with the rest of his friends, leaving Taeyong and Doyoung to trail behind them.

It was a noisy walk to the restaurant. Hendery and Yangyang making jokes about the opposing team’s setter and how he kept failing to block their hits. Somewhere someone was singing show tunes and Lucas was chasing a kitten he had seen near the bushes framing the sidewalk.

Doyoung smiled, away from the noise but somehow comforted by it. He felt a hand sneak into his own, fingers linking together. Doyoung bumped Taeyong’s shoulder.

“Let go.” He shook their intertwined hands in an attempt to loosen the grip.

“Why?” Taeyong asked, tiptoeing and awkwardly planting a quick kiss to his cheek successfully making him blush. The boys walked the rest of the way like that, unaware of the eyes on them.

Mark looked back to see what was keeping Taeyong just in time to see him peck Doyoung’s cheek. His cheeky grin turning down into a venomous scowl when he turned to find Jaehyun watching them, as well, smile not quite reaching his eyes when he finally peeled his eyes away from the couple.

The chaotic dinner concluded with a drunk Lucas hitting on Jungwoo before being dragged away by two of his friends. The team left soon after, leaving Taeyong’s friends and the freshmen that had taken to them like a bear to honey. They sat in between them, blending right in. The boys were joking around with each other, the dessert menu was being passed around and Doyoung felt complete again. Jeno was snuggled close to a drowsy Jaemin drawing a pattern on the palm of his hand. Haechan and Renjun we busy teaching Yuta how to use an app on his phone while Jisung was teaching Chenle, Taeyong, and Jungwoo how to make finger hearts without using their thumbs.

It was a mess and even though he wasn’t part of it, Doyoung was happy just sitting and silently observing them all. He looked over to Jaehyun, Johnny and Mark having a conversation in English, the youngest out of the three laughing about something Johnny was animately explaining to them. The various sounds suddenly stopped when Taeyong pushed his seat back, standing up to address the bunch and Doyoung braced himself, meeting his eye and giving a small nod.

“I have something to tell you guys.” Taeyong sincerely smiled down at them, looking around at confused faces, eyes lingering a bit on Doyoung before he forced himself to look at his friends instead.

“I know a lot has happened these past months, we’ve had our ups and downs and a lot of you probably saw this coming,” He directed his gaze to the younger members of their group, save for Mark. “A lot of things were brought to light and I had some realizations. I’m sure you all will support me in this and I know you’ll be happy for me.”

Taeyong held his hand out for Doyoung which he hesitantly took, gasping when he was suddenly pulled up to stand up with him.

“Doyoung and I are dating. Today marks our fifth day as a couple.”

The reactions were all over the place. A drunk Yuta hooted in support, having to be held back by Jungwoo who smiled at them mouthing a Congratulations over the noise of the freshmen; some laughing, others cheering, taking turns patting Taeyong on the back. Johnny gave them a thumbs up paired with a “Good job, bro.”

Mark stayed silent, not going unnoticed by everyone else. He watched as Jaehyun stood and fist-bumped Taeyong and then turned to Doyoung with a sincere smile.

“Welcome to the family.”

In the end, Mark joined in, putting on a smile and throwing an arm around Doyoung’s neck, startling the boy a little as he struggled to keep balance.

“Lucky man!” He shook him a little. “You have no idea what you got yourself into.”

They laughed it off, building upon his comment by listing down all of Taeyong’s annoying habits. They got fell into old tales of all the times Taeyong had embarrassed himself. Mark didn’t laugh along, sitting in the corner of the booth, eyes trained on Doyoung’s gummy smile as he planned his next move. The boy quite literally had no idea what he had gotten himself into and Taeyong's habit of punching in his sleep was about to be the least of his worries. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep! The title was about Jaehyun. Him going from hating Doyoung to becoming the bigger person and being mature enough to know when to let go is the only character development we need, people!!!  
> Also, what's Mark planning? Hmm...


	16. Welcome to my playground

“Please?” Taeyong whined, pouting at Doyoung from his place on the bed.

Doyoung, as he had been ever since Taeyong showed up at his door early in the morning, ignored him. He had come over to convince Doyoung to go get breakfast with him but the younger declined, telling him he had already eaten. In actuality, Doyoung had only eaten half a chocolate croissant that he had stolen from Jeno’s stash, he was just still not comfortable being seen in and around the university with Taeyong.

After pestering him for half an hour, Taeyong fell asleep on his bed. With Jeno spending the night at Jaemin’s the dorm had already been airily quiet and now with Taeyong’s soft snores filling the air, Doyoung felt his eyes drooping. He had had a productive morning, making more progress than he had in the entire week and Taeyong was only breaking his resolve to complete his work.

After a while of silent endurance, he decided to take matters into his own hands. Leaving his chair, Doyoung walked over to the side of his bed, gently shaking Taeyong’s thigh. The boy groaned, turning over and peering through heavy eyelids to find his boyfriend standing over him. Taeyong flashed him a lazy smile, hands reaching out to grab for him but Doyoung dodged them.

“Wake up.” Doyoung crossed his arms over his chest, “Please?”

Taeyong slowly overcame the drowsiness, sitting up only to yawn and fall back on the bed.

“I don’t wanna.” He mumbled, burying his head in Doyoung’s pillow and preparing to fall back to sleep.

Doyoung sighed, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt and kneeling on the bed, crawling over to peel Taeyong off the bed.

“You’re making me sleepy, too. You need to go.”

A week of dating had not prepared him for the invasion of personal space just yet, and even though Taeyong had been accompanying him during the week to study with him, the weekends were his solo days where he would silently work in the confines of either the library or his room.

Doyoung's hand slipped when the duvet shifted, his entire body tumbling forward and landing on Taeyong’s back. The boy underneath elicited a soft oomph, sound muzzled by the pillow. Doyoung quickly scrambled back to sit on his knees, apologetically bowing his head when Taeyong whipped his head up to glare at him, a blush painting the tips of his ears red.

In the soft sunlight flickering through the curtains, Doyoung looked ethereal. His messy hair framing his face, stopping just above his eyelashes, which did their part in casting feathery shadows on his cheek. His lips were slightly swollen from when he had bitten down on them trying to keep his yawns in and suddenly it was all Taeyong wanted to look at in life.

“I’m sorry.” Doyoung finally said, awkwardly avoiding Taeyong’s piercing gaze.

When the latter didn’t reply, Doyoung looked up just in time to see him grab his neck, pulling him down onto himself as their lips met. It was messy at first as Doyoung struggled to hold his weight up. Taeyong helped by shifting Doyoung to his lap, supporting himself by the bed’s headboard, and holding him at the hips, settling into the new position.

It was warm, and unlike the ones, they had shared before. Taeyong pulled him closer, impossibly so, caressing his sides as he ran his tongue across Doyoung’s bottom lip. The gasp that followed gave him the chance to slip his tongue in, running it along the roof of his mouth. Doyoung reacted by pressing against him, hands moving from his sides up to Taeyong’s chest.

A moan escaped him, causing Taeyong to smile into the kiss and further tease him with more laps. He moved a hand to the small of Doyoung’s back, slipping it under his shirt to rub electrifying circles on his back as he deepened the kiss, tilting his head up and allowing himself better access as he bit down on Doyoung’s full bottom lip, dragging out another sensuous moan.

Doyoung pulled back for air, cheeks burning up and all worries of assignments chucked out the window. His chest heaved up and down in rhythm with his heart as he clutched Taeyong’s shirt to calm the erratic drumming of his heart. He couldn’t bring himself to look up, the hand still on his back burning at the contact. Doyoung held in a gasp when he was pulled back as he tried to crawl off of Taeyong’s lap.

“You’re spoiling me, Doie.” Taeyong whispered, tucking a stray strand of hair behind Doyoung’s ear. “Now I’m going to want a morning call every day.”

Doyoung smiled, hiding his face in the crook of Taeyong’s neck, letting his boyfriend run a hand through his hair, affection dripping from every part of him. A sudden reality check sent a pang to his heart, knocking the happiness off its feet and shaking the contentment Taeyong had started to lay there.

Doyoung swallowed down a lump, holding Taeyong tighter, burying his face into him further to envelope himself with nothing but his scent. Clutching his eyes shut, Doyoung prayed for a few more days of contentment, as long as he could have before the eventual fall.

The jiggling of keys forced them to separate. How long had they stayed that way? An hour? Maybe two? Doyoung had lost count. Taeyong didn’t complain, not even when his legs went numb. He sat there, letting Doyoung do with him as he pleased. At some point, the boy in his arms had fallen asleep only to startle awake a few minutes later. Never once, however, had he changed his position, keeping his nose nuzzled into the dip of Taeyong’s collar bone, his breath tickling the sensitive skin there.

Taeyong inwardly cursed Jeno for returning to the room, doing his best to glare at him when he cheekily smiled at them, greeting them with a condescending bow. Doyoung told Taeyong he had to leave,

“But babe,”

“No buts.” He was firm, arms crossed and foot tapping impatiently on the floor. “You’re too distracting, leave now.”

He followed Taeyong to the door, lightly pushing him out the door, keeping his face straight when Taeyong pouted.

“Am I just a booty call to you?” He feigned offense, holding his heart and sniffling.

“Goodbye, Taeyong. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Taeyong wasn’t expecting Doyoung to show up at his dorm before tomorrow came. He was just getting ready to slip into bed, phone in hand to text his boyfriend goodnight. He smiled at him, opening the door wider for him to enter. Doyoung seemed flustered as he paced back and forth when Taeyong returned to the bedroom area with a bottle of water.

“I was just about to text you.” He handed the bottle to Doyoung. “What’s up? You look anxious.”

The tears he had been holding back finally broke free, the lump in his throat hindering his breathing. Taeyong rushed to him, arms finding their place around him as he rubbed his back.

“Baby, what’s the matter?”

Something was wrong, Doyoung leaned on him, his body finally giving up. Taeyong looked around the room, hoping for Jungwoo to return to the room faster. The boy had called him twenty minutes ago telling him he was leaving Jaehyun’s room but had yet to come home.

Taeyong did his best to hold Doyoung up finally resorting to dragging the boy to his bed. He moved to pick his phone up from where he had thrown it.

“I’m calling for help, don’t worry.”

Doyoung stopped him, holding his hand down and putting his own phone in it. His lips were quivering when he looked up at Taeyong through soaked lashes.

“I didn’t know who else to go to.” He spoke through labored breaths. Taeyong’s concern peaked, reaching up and caressing his cheek.

“What’s going on huh? Baby, just talk to me what’s happening huh?” He tried to keep his voice stable, one of them had to stay strong.

Doyoung pointed to his phone and Taeyong gasped as soon as he unlocked it, a series of messages flashing on the screen. They were sent from a temporary number, an attachment at the end.

_We don’t want to cause trouble._

_Just to negotiate._

_Wouldn’t it be best if things get sorted without having to involve anyone else?_

_Break up with Lee Taeyong and this video will cease to exist._

_We don’t want your dearest parents finding out, now do we?_

_[VIDEO ATTACHED]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The inevitable has happened. Now what?


	17. 마지막 첫사랑 (My First and Last)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: You will cry. I know I did.

Taeyong took Doyoung to his room after everyone had left, claiming it would be better for him to rest while he sorted everything out. The older boy was anxious to leave him alone but by now the news had gotten around and Jeno was waiting for them when they got there. Leaving Doyoung with Jeno wasn’t the end of his worries, though.

The quarter-finals were about to start, which meant a 4 day trip to Ulsan, 6 if you count the travel time. 6 days away from Doyoung and that too while everything was falling apart. Doyoung wasn’t okay and Taeyong needed time away from him to clear his head so that he wouldn’t end up crumbling as well.

The bed smelled like him and Doyoung turned to the side facing the wall, burying his nose into the part of the pillow that smelled like him the most. After the initial shock, Doyoung had become numb, unaware of the noise around him. Jeno had told him they would find the guy but then what?

What came after? In the end, Doyoung knew his fate. One way or the other, his parents would find out and the second that happened he didn’t know if he would even be able to see Taeyong again let alone stay together with him. It was all becoming complicated and Doyoung hated complicated. He liked simple things, simple colors, and simple music.

The next time he saw him, Taeyong was getting ready to leave for his first game against the Ulsan state university. He went to say goodbye, despite wanting nothing more than to dissolve into his bedsheets. But Doyoung had something else he needed to do, something that would not only help make his life simple, it would also save Taeyong the burden of having to do it himself.

“What are you doing here?” Taeyong asked, hurrying to him as the team filed into the bus. He led Doyoung to the side, holding his hands.

“I came to say goodbye.” He smiled but it failed to reach his eyes and Taeyong’s heart shattered.

“You didn’t have to come. I would’ve called.” Taeyong wanted to embrace him into the warmest, longest hug he could give but he knew it would only make Doyoung uncomfortable.

“It’s not something that could be done over the phone, Taeyong.” The persistent smile on Doyoung’s face didn’t help the sinking feeling in his heart.

“I came to say goodbye, Taeyong. This is the last time you’ll see me,” A single tear rolled down his pale cheek and he quickly wiped it away, afraid of breaking down.

“What do you mean?” An alarm went off somewhere in the back of Taeyong’s head.

“Let’s stop, Taeyong.” Doyoung’s nostrils flared from holding back his tears, “Let’s break up, okay?”

Taeyong was at a loss for words, anger, and betrayal mixing into an ugly feeling in the depths of his chest.

“I can’t do this anymore. I knew you wouldn’t do it so let me end it, yeah?” His resolve broke, tears streaming down his face as he continued, “I knew it was bound to end as soon as we started dating but I wanted to give myself a shot at happiness, to know what it feels like to be absolutely and completely content and loved. Even though it was short, you gave that to me. You made me happy, Taeyong. You helped me realize I had it in me to feel emotions other than stress and anxiety.”

The coach called for Taeyong to hurry up but the boy kept his eyes on Doyoung.

“You should go. I just want you to know, I love you but we live in two different worlds and in my world, there’s no possibility of me and you. You can hate me now, I used you and you have the right to hate me but please know that my intentions were never wrong. I wanted so badly to believe in a world in which we ended up together that I lost sight of my reality.”

Doyoung squeezed Taeyong’s hand before turning and walking away, halting in his steps when the boy finally spoke up.

“So that’s it? You’re not even willing to fight for this?”

The venom in his words broke Doyoung’s already shattered heart, he turned around to face him for the last time.

“Broken people can’t fight, Taeyong. They don’t know how to.”

Jaehyun pulled Mark into a corner as soon as they reached their first pit stop. The boy had managed to avoid him for a few days but he had his chance now. He caged the younger boy in with his arms, eyes narrowing in on his face.

“Why did you do it?” He kept his voice low but it was still enough to momentarily strike the fear of God into the latter.

“You think I did it?” Mark asked, “I deleted the video that very day in front of you. I promised you it was over.”

“Don’t fuck with me, Mark I swear to God.” Jaehyun raised a fist to make sure the boy knew he didn’t come to play.

“I’m serious!” Mark’s voice went up a note, “I was going to do it for you, and when you said no I ended it. That was it! I promise!”

Jaehyun wavered a little, heart wanting to believe that Mark wasn’t lying but somewhere in his mind, he knew this wasn’t the whole truth.

“If I find out it was you, I will end your life, you understand?”

As Jaehyun walked away, Mark straightened his shirt, dusting it off as he stared at Jaehyun’s retreating back, pulling out a black burner phone from his back pocket, a smirk playing slyly on his lips.

Anger was the dominating emotion at the moment and the entire bus could feel the tension as their captain settled into the front seat, away from everyone else. He was seething, Doyoung’s words playing back into his head like an annoying song that you can’t get rid of. A faint ping indicated a message and he pulled it out to find an unknown number flashing on the screen.

_Your lucky stars seem to be dying._

_The love of your life leaves and_

_The person behind it all is the_

_Man that you trust with your life,_

_It really must suck to be you right now,_

_Lee Taeyong. My advice, keep a tab on_

_Your bestie, he may not have your best interest in_

_Mind._

His blood boiled with every word he read, mind fogging as he read it again and then again until it all finally exploded. Taeyong stood up when the bus stopped at a traffic light, shoulders tensing with emotion. Pulling the lever on the door, Taeyong got off leaving a panicked frenzy in his wake. The coach asked the driver to find a parking spot, rushing after him.

“What do you think you’re doing, Lee?” He barked,

“Leave me alone for a minute.” Taeyong was absolutely livid.

Jaehyun and Johnny came running from the corner, slowing to a stop near them. Taeyong gripped the iron fence beside him, lowering his head and taking deeper breaths, keeping them steady before he went completely insane.

“Dude, what’s going on?” Jaehyun asked, approaching him. He extended a hand to touch his shoulder only to be shoved off.

“What’s going on?” Taeyong asked, turning around, eyes bloodshot and bulging. “You want to know what’s going on, asshole.”

Jaehyun was taken aback and Johnny convinced the coach to return to the bus, promising he would sort it out.

“Taeyong,” Johnny intervened, “What’s gotten into you all of a sudden?”

“Why don’t you ask him?” He pointed a shaky finger at Jaehyun.

“Ask me what?” Jaehyun was sincerely confused but somehow he knew where this was going and if it came to it, he had no idea how to handle it.

“You…” Taeyong’s shoulders shook as tears began to fall from his eyes. “You’re supposed to be my best friend. I know you didn’t like him but you could at least have been happy for me.”

Jaehyun’s eyes widened in realization, all his fears coming true.

“Taeyong, what do you mean?”

Taeyong shoved his phone in Jaehyun’s face, the text open and ready to be read. Both Johnny and Jaehyun read it, blood running cold as soon as they did.

“This… This isn’t true.” Jaehyun cried out, “I didn’t do this, Taeyong. Come on man do you think I would ever drop this low?”

“I don’t even know what I know anymore, Jaehyun!” It was starting to become a screaming fest until Johnny very rationally put an end to it.

“If it was Jaehyun who did it, how did whoever is texting you find out?” He asked, successfully shutting both the boys up. “Why don’t you both think about that until we reach our next rest stop, let’s sit like adults and talk then?”

He looked at his best friends, Jaehyun nodding in agreement, eyes still shaking from confusion. Taeyong only glared at him before walking back to the bus, even more confused now then he had been before. 

He unlocked his phone screen and suddenly all the anger melted away as soon as Doyoung’s picture lit up the screen. He had taken it while the boy had been sleeping on top of him the day everything went to shit. In a matter of minutes, Taeyong went from a raging mad man to a sobbing mess. Was this the end of his first love? Taeyong let himself be held when Jisung slipped into the seat beside him, muffling his sobs into the boy’s shirt and eventually crying himself to sleep, the fatigue of the situation finally catching up with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's everyone doing. I literally bawled my eyes out writing this I wanna know how you guys are doing after reading this. Also, what do you think will happen now that Taeyong thinks Jaehyun's the one who did everything?


	18. Warmth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and one after it are basically parallels. So while this is Doyoung's POV the other one will be Taeyong's

It hurt. Every part of him hurt and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t make it stop. It had been two days and all Doyoung had eaten was the apple Jeno and Jaemin had force-fed him. He couldn’t sleep, every time he closed his eyes all he saw was Taeyong’s dejected face and Doyoung felt himself breaking all over again.

There weren’t many days left in Christmas and soon he would have to see his parents. Since their university didn’t give them a break over the holidays, their families were invited instead for Christmas dinner and a night’s stay to spend time with their children. While most people waited impatiently for the day to come, Doyoung was dreading it.

He was at a constant battle with himself, knowing damn well that the only person that could make him feel better was Taeyong but knowing even better that he couldn’t drag the boy into all of his messes. His parents had been very clear when they had told him about the consequences he would face if he ever brought it up again and Doyoung was well aware of what they were capable of.

It had been a moment of vulnerability when he had told his brother about his feelings. He hadn’t even used the exact words “I’m gay.” All he had done was imply that maybe he wasn’t interested in girls because he never found them attractive or desirable. He had trusted him with a secret he had kept to himself for years and the next thing he knew, his parents were calling him, telling him he wasn’t allowed to come home until he sorted himself out.

Doyoung felt pathetic but there was no other way. If his parents cut him off, he would have no other way of finishing his studies and that was the only way he would finally be able to get away from them. He felt pathetic and selfish, putting material things in front of his happiness but he just had to hold on for one more year, then he would be free. Would Taeyong understand if he told him this, or would he also call him selfish for toying with his heart?

He climbed out of his bed, shuffling over to Jeno’s guided by the light of the moon filtering in through the drawn curtains. He slipped under the covers, taking Jeno’s arm and throwing it over his own waist before closing his eyes and nuzzling into the pillow.

His own bed had stopped smelling like Taeyong, the scent had dissipated over time and Doyoung longed, at that moment, for nothing more than human warmth. He needed to feel like he was alive. His heart had started frosting up again, the jagged edges poking holes into his body and Doyoung felt nowhere near whole. He felt broken.

Jeno startled slightly at the sudden presence, relaxing again when he saw Doyoung trying to fall asleep. He wrapped both arms around the taller boy, spooning him from the back and nestling his nose in the fabric of his shirt.

“You’re safe, Hyung.” He whispered, “I’ll keep you safe.”

Doyoung lulled to sleep, dreaming of that night at the park when Taeyong had promised to get to know him. Taeyong had wings in his dreams, huge white wings which he used to fly Doyoung away from the Earth and up into the sky. They dissolved into space together.

When he woke again, the room was bright. Jeno’s arms were still secure around him and another pair of arms were wrapped around his shoulders. Doyoung craned his neck to see Jaemin’s pink hair poking out from behind Jeno’s head. When he turned back, his own bed had been made, the sheets had been changed and the bedside table had been cleared of the clutter that had collected there over the past couple of days.

It was overwhelming suddenly having all this warmth surrounding him, all these people to care about him. He couldn’t help it when the tears started, his entire body shaking with the intensity. It woke the boy’s cuddling with him, scaring them because of the suddenness.

“Hyung?” Jeno asked, panic-stricken face coming into Doyoung’sblurry view. “What’s wrong?”

Jaemin sat up as well, not uttering a word until Doyoung’s cries began to die to down until they were nothing but a series of sniffles.

“Are you okay?” He asked then, pained at the sight of him.

“No.” Doyoung struggled to say, leaning his head on Jeno’s shoulder.

“It’s okay to not be okay,” Jeno said, rubbing his back and Jaemin nodded.

They stayed that way for a while, the passing clouds creating shadows on the walls. After a few more minutes of soaking up their warmth, Doyoung spoke up,

“I never had friends.” His voice was weak but the silence in the room made him audible. “I wasn’t allowed to have any because friends are distractions. I always thought my mom was too strict but look at what happened,”

A few tears escaped, pooling on Jeno’s shoulder, soaking his shirt.

“I haven’t been to class in two days. My work is suffering, my attendance is falling. I haven’t showered or made my hair, I’m pathetic.”

His breath hitched a little as a sob escaped him.

“I’m here mourning the loss of the one good thing that came to me after I let it go myself. I broke someone’s heart and now think I have the right to cry about it.” He felt Jaemin taking his hand and he was pulled off of Jeno’s shoulder, sitting up.

“First of all, your mother is an awful person,” Jaemin said, eyes hardening.

“Nana!” Jeno tried to scold him but he wasn’t having any of it.

“What? It’s true. Any mother who would put numbers before her own child is horrible.”

He was angry and it was pretty rare for Jeno to see him like that, eyes burning with respite. Doyoung blinked the tears away, attention fully on the boy sitting in front of him.

“Friends are not distractions, Hyung.” He took both of his hands into his own. “Friends are pillars. You lean on them when life gets tough, you laugh with them when one of them falls over, you create memories with them.”

“Taeyong Hyung wasn’t a distraction, you said it yourself he was the best thing to ever happen to you. I don’t even think you ever really hated him, you just envied him. Because he had everything you never did.”

Doyoung’s eyes widened at the realization, Jaemin was speaking at the speed of light, stating nothing but facts. It felt like the boy had known him all his life by the way he kept listing things about him that were only true.

“Why are you depriving yourself of happiness, Hyung? Because your mother will get upset? Let her! She doesn’t deserve to have a son like you anyways!”

His voice echoed around the room, bouncing off the walls and hitting Doyoung in the head.

“If she’s not happy when you are, she doesn’t love you anyway so what’s the use? Go after someone that does love you.” He now sounded desperate. “And if it comes down to it, don’t even for a second think we won’t be standing right there with you to fight whoever we need to. Don’t even for a second think you’re alone, do you understand? I’m serious, Hyung.”

By the time he was done, his own tears were falling down his flushed face, cheeks puffed from the rage burning inside of him. Jeno was shocked to see his boyfriend shedding tears, the last time he had seen him cry was when his grandmother had passed away and even if he strained his mind, Jeno failed to think of any other time he had seen Jaemin cry.

Doyoung embraced the boy in a hug, both of them crying into each other’s shoulders while Jeno sat back smiling at them, proud of both of them for letting their emotions out. He then joined in on the hug, chucking when the boys let out a pained cry at the added weight.

Doyoung would be alright with time, he had unlocked a new strength he never knew he had within him. The people around him were slowly becoming the warmth he had been missing and Doyoung felt himself seeping into it, letting himself be held until he was strong enough to stand on his own.

His biggest support wasn’t with him but that was okay because maybe without him there, Doyoung would realize he had it in him all along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAYYYY Doyoung is finally feeling the love around him but when it comes to it will he be able to stand up to his parents??


	19. In conclusion...

Unlike what Johnny had said, they did not speak about it at the next pit stop or the one after that or the countless others that came after that. Taeyong wasn’t awake for half of them and he had no strength left when he finally did wake up. Jisung shook him awake when they reached their hotel and Taeyong went straight to his room, not bothering to stay in the dining hall for dinner.

The coach had his own room and so Taeyong was forced to share his with one of the team members. They had decided upon roommates before boarding the bus and Taeyong groaned when he remembered he had chosen Jaehyun.

He splashed water on his face, watching the droplet trickle down his skin in the mirror. Jaehyun hated Doyoung that much was true but Taeyong had known him now for 13 years and if there was one thing that Jaehyun wasn’t was fake. If he hadn’t genuinely been happy for them, he would’ve never congratulated them when Taeyong had announced it. He wanted to have faith in his friendship and so, Taeyong decided to let Jaehyun explain his side of the story.

After dinner, not only Jaehyun but johnny also came with him to the room. Taeyong forced himself to smile a little, telling them he was ready to talk. They sat together around the coffee table, faces grim, and creased with worry.

“I’m sorry.” Taeyong started. “I was already emotional and trusted those messages against my better judgment. You’re my best friend Jae, and I’m sorry I was thick enough to put someone else’s word above yours.”

Jaehyun smiled, shaking his head.

“You just went through a break-up, I understand.” He teasingly smirked, “Remember when Lia broke up with you and you threw a yogurt cup at me?”

Taeyong’s cheeks flared up at the memory, Johnny laughing as he remembered the look on Jaehyun’s face. When the laughter finally died down so did the tension.

“I’m sorry.” Jaehyun sighed, “I shouldn’t have kept this from you. It’s partly my fault that all this happened in the first place.”

“What do you mean?” Johnny asked, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

“Mark recorded that video.” He was met with gasps, “He came to me with it and I told him it was highly inappropriate. He thought because I hate Doyoung I would like to use it to get him away from you,”

Taeyong was about to say something but Jaehyun put his hands up in defense.

“But! I didn’t. I told him to delete it and that we can pretend it never happened. I didn’t tell you guys because I didn’t want to throw him under the bus. I thought that was it, you know. I told him no and that would be the end. I don’t know how the video got out.”

Taeyong was speechless, he stared at Jaehyun with parted lips while Johnny spoke up.

“We should talk to Mark.” He nodded.

“I already did,” Jaehyun admitted. “That night I could’ve told you guys about him but I wanted to be sure before I pinned it on him. He’s a kid, guys I didn’t want to falsely accuse him of something he didn’t do. I asked him today and he told me he didn’t do it, and that he deleted the video so he didn’t have it.”

Taeyong came back to his senses, not angered but still annoyed that Jaehyun didn’t tell him earlier, he voiced out his concern.

“I know I should have but I promised Mark we wouldn’t speak of it, you know?”

Taeyong nodded,

“Nothing can be done about it now, but Mark still needs to be talked to. He could be lying. Deleting something isn’t the end of it.”

He didn’t know how right he was. They were free the next morning, their first game was scheduled in the afternoon. Johnny had the task of getting Mark to go to the nearby coffee shop with him for breakfast where Jaehyun and Taeyong would wait for them. He arrived right on time, Mark hesitating a little when he saw the other two waiting for them.

“What’s this?” He asked, nervously chuckling as took a seat.

“Just breakfast.” Jaehyun shrugged and they proceeded to order.

“So, Mark.” Taeyong started, “I hear you like making videos of people.”

Everything seemed to stop a little as Mark re-focused his eyes.

“I guess…” He cautiously replied, eye Jaehyun.

“Why don’t you show them the one you showed me, Mark?” Jaehyun suggested, a coy smile plastered on his lips.

Mark felt eyes on him, trying to keep himself from looking suspicious.

“What video, Hyung?” Mark smiled, too a tight-lipped, mischievous smile.

“What do you mean what video?” Johnny grabbed his arm, holding him down in his seat. His voice was dangerously low and Mark could feel the fear creeping in.

“I don’t know what he’s talking about. I never showed him any video.” He stammered in English, tongue stumbling at Johnny’s intense glare.

“He’s lying.” Jaehyun accused, “He came to me with it and told me to use it to blackmail Doyoung.”

“I didn’t! Maybe someone else did it. So many people hate Doyoung Hyung maybe one of them did it.” Mark’s panicked stammering stopped as his fake confusion changed into a sly smirk. “Or maybe someone else did it.”

He jerked his arm out of Johnny’s grasp, narrowing his eyes on Jaehyun’s as he saw the emotions shift inside them.

“Someone who is so in love with Taeyong Hyung, he would do anything to get Doyoung away from him.”

Johnny held him back again, shaking his arm a little.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

Jaehyun was silent and Taeyong looked from Mark to him, before sharing a look with Johnny.

“Stop trying to deviate from the topic, Mark.” He said, saving Jaehyun the embarrassment of being outed. “If you didn’t record it who did? Did you give it to someone?”

Jaehyun suddenly froze, eyes bulging as he was hit with a realization.

“Me.” He said, spacing out, going back to a few weeks ago when Mark had excitedly run to him.

“What?” Taeyong asked.

“He sent it to me. I have it in his chat!” Jaehyun excitedly fished out his phone, scrolling up in Mark’s conversation. “I didn’t delete it because it went up in the chat and I forgot about it.”

He ranted on as he finally pulled it up, showing Taeyong and Johnny before shoving it in Mark’s gobsmacked face.

“Look at this you little bastard. You fucked up!”

Mark stared at the screen, eyes wavering in disbelief. How could he have forgotten this? Johnny jerked him back, bringing his face closer to him.

“You’re so dead, punk.”

Taeyong was enraged when he took the matter to the coach and when the team found out they were even more disturbed by it. No one felt safe anymore and with added pressure, the coach agreed to let Mark off the team. He took the boy back to Seoul with him, handing Taeyong the responsibility of running the games.

It went well from there on out, Mark’s case was taken to the university’s advisory board and they came to a decision to suspend him for the rest of the semester, and expulsion waiting for him if he was ever caught breaching the contract that was drawn up.

His parents were also called in to sign an undertaking, stating that he would be permanently removed from the university if the behavior continued after his suspension period. The police got involved too, upon Taeyong’s request and they wiped the data from his phone along with sweeping his personal belongings to make sure he had no other copies of the video.

When they returned two days later, Jaehyun’s phone was swept too, and all traces of the video were removed from existence. The nightmare seemed to be over for them but Taeyong still had one massive issue to resolve, his love life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Both of these chapters were rather short but I'm kind of swamped with work. I'll making the enxt one super long ang super nice. love you all for reading so far


	20. The night before Christmas

Some things are out of our control. Life doesn’t ask before making itself a burden on you and the pain never knocks before barging in, grasping you by the neck, rendering you motionless, numb. It’s at times like these when we wonder if anything will ever make sense again if life had any plan of sorting itself out. Days turn into months, pain turning into memories as we learn to adapt to a new shell, broken but still ours to own.

Mark was a kid. A kid with good friends, good grades, and a good life. He was happy until suddenly he was plucked out of his perfect life and taken away to a land that he had only heard of in tales his parents would tell. No one asked him if he wanted this, no one asked how he would feel. It was imposed on him but he endured it, telling himself change was good.

High school was a nightmare, the language barrier being his biggest enemy. He could hear the other kids making fun of his broken Korean and it took some time for him to finally ignore the comments, telling himself he just had to endure it all for a year.

When the time came for him to decide a college to study at, the University of Waterloo had been his number one option. He didn’t take the rejection well, falling into a pit of despair and self-pity. It was decided that it was best for him to attend university in Korea, close to home.

Home. He laughed at the very thought of it. This wasn’t his home, his home was thousands of miles away, where his friends were, where his school was. His mother insisted this would be good for him but Mark digressed. Nothing about it felt good.

Not until he finally joined university and the very first day stumbled across a group of people he fell in love with. Johnny was the kind of person who could easily pass as your dad. He took Mark under his wing, helping him in areas he lacked, and most importantly, Mark could easily talk to him. The same was with Jaehyun, although a little awkward, he could easily talk to him without feeling like an idiot.

The rest, even though not fluent in English, never once made him feel like he was an outsider. They were all older than him and Mark got all the benefits of being the youngest, love, affection, and most of all shoulders to lean on.

Taeyong became his rock. He was the most dependable person Mark had ever met, mentoring him and guiding him through some of his toughest times. When he asked Mark to try out for the volleyball team, the boy had been hesitant but not a day went by when Taeyong didn’t spend extra time coaching him through the sport.

If it hadn’t been for him, Mark would probably never have ventured into the game he ended up falling in love with. It meant everything to him and when he was stressed, his teammates became his beacon of light. 

It’s ironic isn’t it, life is the name of learning from your mistakes but one mistake could end up ruining your life. Mark hadn’t intended to hurt anyone. His intention had been to do the complete opposite. Jaehyun had helped him through a lot and he couldn’t bear to see his pain when Taeyong decided he suddenly loved Doyoung.

It was impulsive and rushed and Mark believed in his heart that with Doyoung out of the way once and for all, Taeyong would see that Jaehyun was the one for him and that Doyoung had never been the one he loved.

It had hurt when Jaehyun decided he liked Doyoung. How could you like someone that had taken so much from you? He hadn’t only taken Taeyong from them, he had taken away Jaehyun’s first love and that too with what? A few moments of pitiful despair?

Just the thought of how easily people gave up on love made his blood boil. All those movies and books were a sham. In reality, no one was willing to fight for love, they gave at the most minor inconveniences. Mark knew that if not then, then later Jaehyun would thank him for what he had done but that also turned out to be a lie.

No one in this world was grateful for the help they received, all they did was nag and complain even when someone would be willing to take a bullet for them. Jaehyun’s ungratefulness only made him angrier, each day passing with his emotion growing stronger. The plan at first had only been to scare Doyoung off but what was the point of doing that if the person he had done it for wasn’t going to be happy, right?

The last straw was when Jaehyun decided threatening him would solve it all. Maybe if he had asked him nicely, Mark would have thought about coming clean and apologizing but now he was just livid. He felt betrayed, were years of friendship not even worth a proper negotiation?

Throwing him under the bus was going a little overboard, but Jaehyun deserved it. If only Mark hadn’t been stupid enough to send him the video, he could have shown it to him on his own phone but in his excitement, he had made a mistake, the mistake that ended up ruining his life.

As the plane took off, Mark looked out the window as the buildings of Seoul went from intimidatingly huge to nothing more than tiny dots, lights dazzling around them like stars in the night sky. He would be home in a few hours and just the thought of it had him relaxing in his seat.

It took suspension and a possible expulsion warning to make his parents finally realize that he wouldn’t fit in here, which was quite a shame because Mark had just started enjoying it in Seoul, South Korea. His aunt was a good woman, though and Mark knew he would be able to spend a good few days with her until admissions opened and he could apply to his dream university again, this time rejection wasn’t an option.

He closed his eyes as the plane straightened in the sky, the city of lights left behind, nose towards Vancouver, Canada. He would be home in a few hours and Mark could already feel the stress melting off.

“So Mark Hyung was actually behind it all?” Hyuck asked, putting down the tray of hot chocolate on the table, the entire gang gathered to give them the good news.

Taeyong nodded, reaching for a cup and warming his hands from the sides.

“A lot of shit happened this week.” Yuta stretched, limbs cracking from fatigue. “I’m just glad that little punk got what he deserved.”

“I’m not getting the memo here,” Jaehyun took a cautious sip, “Is flying away to Canada to study supposed to be a punishment?”

The rest of them laughed, voices echoing in the empty canteen, save for the few lingering students and staff. It died down when a familiar face came into view, sheepishly walking over to the table, hands stuffed into the pockets of his coat. Jeno and Jaemin made space on the bench for him but Doyoung shook his head. This was the first time Taeyong had seen him after returning and apart from the sunken eyelids, he didn’t look too bad and that had him sighing in relief.

“Can we talk?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Mark really turned out to be an unapologetic jerk huh? I feel so bad lol


	21. Smells like Christmas.

Had it not been for the awful cold, Taeyong would have let Doyoung lead him to the back garden, having enough privacy to talk about whatever the boy wanted but for now, they settled into a booth in the back, away from the staff and their nosey friends.

“Hi.” Taeyong breathed out, taking a better look at him as Doyoung unwrapped the scarf around his neck.

“Hi.” He did his best to smile, settling for a slight lift of the lips instead.

“How are you?” Taeyong wasn’t much for small talk, but with Doyoung it was always best to be careful.

“I’m not okay.”

“Okay,” Taeyong nodded, “It’s okay sometimes.”

Doyoung nodded, too.

“That’s what Jeno told me. I’ve been talking to him a lot these days, Jeno I mean.”

Taeyong nodded again, encouraging him to go on.

“He tells me things too,” Doyoung felt a sudden relief wash over him, words coming to him easily. It was Taeyong he was talking to, he could say whatever he wanted. “Did you know that an average human being can go 264 hours without sleep?”

Taeyong shook his head, a slight smile starting to spread on his lips.

“Well, that’s a lot. The longest I’ve ever been awake is 49. I guess some people are pretty strong or maybe I’m below average and can’t stay up that long. I’m below average on a lot of things, you know. I’m below average in drafting, a lot of my classmates are so much better. I’m also not too good at cloud watching, I tried once and I just couldn’t figure which cloud looked like what. I’m bad at storytelling, I always forget what happened first and what happened after,”

“I’m exceptionally bad at sports, I almost broke a leg when Gongmyun Hyung took me out to play football once. I’m a horrible ventriloquist, I had to take a class because our neighbor’s son did it but man is that puppet creepy. I’m bad at fencing and playing the piano, I’m bad at cooking and I’m bad at skiing but do you want to know what I’m the worst at?”

Taeyong shook his head, patiently waiting for him to continue. Doyoung realized he loved Taeyong’s patience.

“I’m the worst at making friends, and so I was stupid enough to hate a person for two years just because he was good at something I wasn’t. I hope he doesn’t take it personally though, I also really hate Gordon Ramsey.”

Taeyong chuckled lightly, seeing Doyoung’s face light up at the sound.

“I hated a gem just because I was petty when I could have gotten to know him better years ago. I’m also apparently bad at keeping people because once I had finally found someone I let them go because my own insecurities were keeping me from opening up to him. My happiness was with him and I compromised it for things that don’t even come close to its worth.”

He looked right at him, seeing a totally different person in the reflection of Taeyong’s glassy eyes.

“A friend told me that nothing can be measured above happiness and I think he’s right. Nothing is worth more than feeling whole but I can’t feel whole anymore, Taeyong. I can’t feel whole with a piece of my heart missing.”

There was silence for a while, both boys searching each other’s faces before Taeyong smiled, looking down at his clasped hands.

“When did you become such a smooth talker, Doie?”

It was like a wave of relief had washed over him. Doyoung had never thought that an absurd nickname could bring him so much joy. Just the smile on Taeyong’s face was enough to let him know everything was going to be okay.

Cheers resonated through the now empty cafeteria as they returned to the table, hand in hand, and goofy grins on their faces. Doyoung not once thought of the storm waiting to rain down on him the next day as he sat in between them. He could withstand any storm at that moment because a broken person might not be able to fight but a whole person could both fight and overcome any hurdle.

He may have been over-ambitious though because when they were kicked out of the canteen nearing closing hours and he was forced to return to his room, reality hit him like a ton of bricks. Doyoung would have to face his parents tomorrow and maybe, just maybe Doyoung was a little more than anxious.

Taeyong called him before he slept, his gentle breaths lulling Doyoung to sleep as well. Tomorrow’s worries would be tomorrow’s problems, for now, all Doyoung needed was the comfort of Taeyong’s breathing near him and as he fell asleep, he knew come tomorrow, it would be a battle of the fittest and Doyoung needed his rest for that.

“Jingle bells, Jingle bells, jingle all the way…”

The girls’ choir spread the holiday cheer around campus as students rushed to their parents, welcoming them with warm hugs and hearty laughs. Doyoung waited with his group of friends, waiting to greet his folks when they eventually walked through the great hall’s doors.

Jeno was the first one toleap up, running full speed ahead and tackling his mother with hugs and kisses followed by all of his best friends who ran after him, surrounding his parents and enveloping them into their embrace. The older boys laughed as Jeno’s mother struggled to keep her balance, 6 overgrown children fighting to smother her with love. They broke out into another fit of cackles when Hyuck told Jeno’s mom that he stayed up playing games all night, resulting in Jeno chasing him out of the hall.

Jaemin looped his arms with her once her son was gone, leading her to them. Doyoung couldn’t help but feel a pang in his chest when he saw Jaemin being showered with affection by Jeno’s mother, wondering if his mom would ever take to his significant other that way.

Johnny shrieked like a little girl when his parents walked in, having flown all the way from Chicago to visit him for the holidays. Taeyong tapped his shoulder, pointing at the door when an elegant woman in a tan evening dress and a man clad from top to bottom in Armani crossed the threshold.

“Come on.” He dragged Doyoung with him, letting go only when his mom opened her arms wide for him to run into. He kissed the top of her head before formally bowing to his dad. The man guffawed, embracing him and giving him a pat on the back.

“I want you guys to meet someone.” Taeyong beamed, walking back a few steps to where Doyoung stood awkwardly. Taeyong led him by the small of his back to his parents.

Doyoung bowed a full 90 degrees before standing up again and trying his best to smile without vomiting from all the nerves. Taeyong's parents were a striking contrast to their son, poised and graceful. They had a powerful aura around them, reeking of money but feet on the ground smiles humble not pretentious. 

“Mom, Dad, this is Doyoung.” Taeyong introduced him and when Taeyong’s mother smiled, Doyoung couldn’t help but awe at the uncanny resemblance.

“It’s so nice to meet you.” She said, surprising him by pulling him into a hug.

“Nice to meet you, too,” Doyoung replied when he was finally let go, a blush beginning to creep up his neck.

“A friend?” She asked her son, teasingly wiggling her brows at him, her playful side shining through. 

“Boyfriend.” Taeyong proudly answered, not doing much to help Doyoung’s blush and surprising the boy. They hadn't yet discussed the prospect of getting back together but apparently Taeyong had. 

Their conversation was interrupted when Doyoung stiffened, eyes moving past them to the entrance. They were the last to enter, a tall man with a stern face, shoulders hunched from the burdens of life followed by a woman dressed as elegantly as Doyoung remembered. Their eyes met Doyoung’s at once, him not being far from them.

“You’re going to be okay,” Taeyong whispered, a hand rubbing circles on his back before they approached.

“Good evening.” Doyoung bowed, waiting for permission to stand. When he received it, a low grunt, he stood again, a completely different person than he had been before. 

The woman eyes Taeyong, examining him from head to toe before giving a look to her own son, and walking away. Taeyong shared a nervous glance with his mother, promising to explain later when Doyoung hesitantly followed his parents to their designated table.

They were all sitting together on a long rectangular table, boys to one side, each facing their parents. Yuta’s connections in the organizing committee had been fruitful since most people didn’t get the luxury to choose where they would sit, the process being completely random.

“I assume since the last time we spoke you have been well.” His mother spoke and Doyoung knew it wasn’t his health she was inquiring about.

He felt Taeyong’s hand squeeze his hand under the table and he swallowed a lump.

“Not really.” He said, clamping his eyes shut as soon as he did.

“Pardon?” It was suddenly cold in the otherwise warm room.

Tension hung heavy in the air as the boys prepared themselves for combat, food was forgotten as their eyes trained on the small woman staring daggers at Doyoung, their parents’ confused faces watching over them.

“Unfortunately it can’t be helped.” Doyoung found a sudden surge of courage,

His mother scoffed, smirking at him from across the table before she shared a look with his father.

“Are you sure about that, Kim Doyoung?”

Taeyong felt the oppression Doyoung had felt for years just by the sternness in her voice. Doyoung replied with a nod, not trusting his voice to hold under her piercing glare.

“You’re rebelling.” She commented, cutting a piece of her steak. “I was afraid of sending you away from home because I knew it would turn out to be a bad idea.”

His father remained silent, eyes trained on his food as he quietly chewed, avoiding the conversation and Doyoung’s eyes.

“It’s okay, nothing a few disciplinary measures won’t fix.” She casually said, chewing at the steak, marveling at the taste.

The table was rendered speechless, her ignorance cutting right through the tension leaving only strings of frustrated anger now hanging in its place. Doyoung looked at Taeyong, finding his eyes already on him. He shook his head when he saw the glint of mischief in his eyes only to be met with a smirk. A few phones around the table pinged before the smirk slowly spread, all the boys sharing a knowing glance.

Halfway through the dinner, the plan was put into action. Jeno fake sneezed into his napkin and Jaemin gasped, exaggerating his actions as every eye on the table turned to him, including Doyoung’s parents.

“Oh, my baby!” He exclaimed, cupping Jeno’s face. “My poor baby has a cold. I told you not to stay out late last night.”

Jaemin nagged, waving a finger in the air. It was a chore holding back their giggles as their parents looked around, puzzled at the sudden show they were putting on.

“Don’t you worry, I’ll kiss it all better.”

Without a second thought, Jaemin leaned in planting a wet kiss right on Jeno’s lips, extending it for dramatic flair. Doyoung saw the way his mother’s eyes almost rolled out of her skull, mouth parted in disbelief.

It wasn’t over yet. Jaemin had put on a great show of public affection but Chenle knew he could do better. He had the advantage of being closer to the guests of honor, anyway. He dramatically sighed, drawing all eyes towards him.

“Why don’t you ever kiss me like that?” He pouted, tugging at Jisung’s shirt. Once over the initial shock, everyone was glad Jisung played along, grabbing Chenle by the neck before smashing his lips on top of his not failing to take the audience and the boy in his arms by surprise.

He smirked at Chenle’s perplexed expression when he pulled back, going back to eating his food as if he hadn’t just passionately kissed his best friend in front of all of his friends and their parents. Mrs. Kim’s reaction was better than imagined. She pushed her chair back, pulling her husband up along with her.

“We will not eat here. I refuse to spend another second around these faggots!” She bellowed, grabbing Doyoung’s wrist to pull him up.

“Get up!” She demanded, tapping her toe impatiently,

“But he wants to sit with the faggots,” Taeyong pouted throwing an arm around Doyoung’s shoulders, pulling him into an awkward back hug.

“Get your hands off of him.” She was about to reach for him when Doyoung decided to chuck his better judgment into the trash.

He whipped around, grabbing Taeyoung by the collar before leaning in and connecting their lips. Cheers hollered around the table, slowly spreading through the entire hall once people turned to see what the ruckus was about. His mother gasped, mouth opening and closing like a fish as she watched her son making out with a smugly smiling Taeyong.

He was harshly pulled back a hand struck his face before he could decipher what had happened. That was enough to silence the crowd as a streak of red trickled down Doyoung’s cheek, his mother’s ring having made a gash upon contact. It was like a breath of fresh air, like a moment of sudden revelation.

Taeyong hurried off his seat, coming in between Doyoung and his mother when she raised her hand to hit him again.

“You’ll have to go through me first.” He said, voice dangerously low and bordering on cynical. Doyoung stared up at his firm back and Jaemin stood as well, strolling over to them before throwing a hand over Taeyong’s shoulder.

“And me.”

“And me,” Jeno rushed to his boyfriend’s side, unaware of the tears pooling in Doyoung’s eyes behind him.

Yuta and Jungwoo joined them, walking to the other side of the table to form a wall between them, their height not failing to intimidate Doyoung's mother. Chenle and Jisung stood behind him for support. Jaehyun voiced out his support and Renjun and Haechan followed suit. They stood in front of him, a titanium wall bracing him from the storm. Doyoung let the salty tears fall, stinging the cut but the pain was a blessing.

“And me!” The boys were startled when Doyoung’s father suddenly spoke up, moving closer to grab his mother’s wrist and pull her back.

“I’ve stood by long enough seeing you torturing my boy.” He croaked out like he hadn’t used his voice in years.

Doyoung stood, disbelief evident from the look in his eyes when he saw his father reprimand his mother for the years of torment she had put him through. He never held him accountable for not being there to protect him, his work kept him busy abroad and Doyoung was somehow sure that his life was meant to be the way it was. It wasn't until he was old enough that he realized not every teenager was as oppressed as he was. 

Mrs. Kim jerked her hand out of his grasp, scoffing in disbelief before storming away, her heels clicking on the floor as she blasted out of the hallway. Slowly, the shocked crowd went back to their food, stealing glances at their table every now and then but eventually everything settled down. Doyoung's dad bowed to them, apologizing on his wife's behalf for ruining the evening. 

His apologetic eyes finally found Doyoung's perplexed ones. He smiled at him but it didn't quite reach his eyes. 

"I've been quite far too long, huh?" He asked his son, "Dad has been very unfair to you and apology was long overdue."

He had no idea how to control the emotions inside his chest and he stood from his seat to embrace his father, ugly tears rolling down his cheek and staining the Italian suit he was wearing. 

"I love you." He whispered, stroking Doyoung's hair as the boy broke down in his arms. "I'm so so sorry."

Doyoung walked his dad out to the main gate of the campus, Taeyong waiting for him a few yards behind to give them space. 

"You can stay you know?" He asked, still awkward with the new relationship.

"I know." The skin around his eyes creased when his dad smiled at him. "But I need to go sort things out with your mother." 

Doyoung nodded,

"Come visit whenever you want," His dad said, his hand finding Doyoung's shoulder as he patted it with affection. "Bring that boyfriend of yours along. I want to get to know him better." 

Doyoung revealed his gummy smile, subtly looking back at Taeyong before turning back to his dad. 

"I will." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DOYOUNG'S DAD FINALLY STEPS UP!!!


	22. First snow

The sun had already disappeared behind the thickness of the grey clouds as they collected in the sky, preparing to snow down any second. Doyoung took a deep breath, turning to find Taeyong still waiting for him, his frame slightly shivering from the increasing cold. For some reason, Doyoung didn’t feel the slightest bit of chill in the air.

He heaved in another breath before letting it go, the air in front of him smoking as he did. He looked on at the blue-haired boy standing under one of the lights, his hair sticking up from the winter static. Doyoung couldn’t help the giggle that escaped him and Taeyong looked around wondering what was making the boy suddenly burst out into a fit of laughs. The giggles soon turned into a guffaw that progressed into a full-blown fit of hysterical laughter.

Taeyong took a few cautious steps before rushing to his side just as Doyoung went down on his knees, hands supporting his body up from falling to the ground. Tears pooled at the corners of his eyes as he laughed and laughed until a shaky sob escaped him. Doyoung clutched onto Taeyong, holding him there and using his shoulder to muffle his cries.

Taeyong let him soak his sweater with tears, the air condensing the moisture and sending a chill down his back. His heart hurt seeing Doyoung break down, his entire body shaking with the intensity of his cries. It had been an overwhelming day and the ending had been bitter-sweet but Taeyong wasn’t sure if the tears he was currently soaking up were those of happiness or pent up sorrows.

“I’m sorry,” Doyoung said, abruptly pulling back and standing up, using the sleeves of his jacket to dry his cheeks.

It looked like a switch had been flipped and Taeyong felt another pang seeing the sudden change. He stood too, taking Doyoung’s cold, frail hand into his own before wordlessly leading him back indoors.

“You have nothing to apologize for, you know.” He said after a calculated amount of silence.

If there was one thing Taeyong had learned about Doyoung, it was that he didn’t cry often and so when he did, he needed all the time he could get to process what had happened.

“I’ve been crying a lot these days, it’s a burden.” He croaked out, well after Taeyong had spoken.

He let it hang in between them for a while before replying,

“Crying is okay. It means you’re human.”

“Weak people cry.”

“You’re the strongest person I know, though, so that’s debunked.” Taeyong tried keeping it casual, not wanting to overwhelm Doyoung again.

The boy stopped him from pushing the doors to the hall open. They stood facing it instead, the music and cheers from inside swirling around them before dissipating into the silence behind them. Taeyong stood with him as long as he wanted and for that Doyoung felt guilty, he knew then that he loved Taeyong’s patience but not at the cost of the boy losing time with his family.

“Go ahead,” Doyoung said, unlinking their hands. “I need to do something. I’ll see you later.”

Before Taeyong could ask him any questions, Doyoung strode away, long legs carrying him further and further with the fleeting seconds.

“I remember the last time we were here you boys performed for us.” Taeyong’s mother was talking to his friends when he returned.

“Oh,” Johnny announced his presence, “How’s Doyoung?”

Taeyong nodded, forcing a smile, not knowing any other answer to the question. The conversation carried on, Taeyong nowhere near close to it. He could hear the faint sounds of conversation, a few words breaking through the fog in his head but nothing made sense, so he sat there, eyes focused on the snowflakes cascading down outside the window.

They were mystical, so light, floating in the air before settling on the sill, melting away at the contact. He suddenly sat up, startling the people around him as his eyes widened at the realization.

“It’s snowing.” He mumbled.

“What?” His mother asked from beside him.

“It’s snowing!” He repeated again, louder this time as he jolted up.

“Where are you going?” She called after him.

“To get my first snow’s kiss!”

Doyoung didn’t know how he ended up in the park, his feet guiding him there automatically. The air was heavy and his lungs did their best to keep breathing as he settled down on a slightly damp swing, pushing himself off the ground. His height made it awkward for him since he had to keep his feet parallel to the ground to keep them from hitting the sand.

It was too much to gather, his brain splitting into fragments of his worst memories. He wanted to blame everyone around him, his father for always being away, his brother for always being unbothered, and his mother for always being overbearing but somehow all he could do was blame himself.

No matter how he thought of it, Doyoung never thought to fight for himself and even now, he had to have people stand up for him because he failed to do it himself. How much longer was he planning to be a burden on the people around him? The swing slowed to a stop just as Doyoung felt a drop of water hit his nose. It warmed at the touch and he looked up to see flecks of white showering down around him.

It was snowing. The first snow of the season. In the movies he had seen, the protagonists would always be together when it snowed for the first time. They say the love that blooms with the first snow would be forever lasting. Doyoung sighed, his only companion being his shadow.

He had no knight with him during his first snow, just the beating of his heart and the creaking of the chain as the swing held his weight. In a way, it was okay to be alone, the first snow brought with it lasting love and what better way to fall in love with yourself and that too, forever. Doyoung was slowly falling in love with himself and maybe he hadn’t figured it out yet but pretty soon, that love would be the only thing he needed to find his own love, his first love, his only love.

“There you are!” Doyoung turned on his heels to find Taeyong gripping the edge of the park fence, bending over to catch his breath.

“What are you doing here?” He found the strength to say,

Taeyong replied by straightening up, taking purposeful, strong strides until he stood toe to toe with him. He leaned in, a warm arm snaking itself around Doyoung’s small waist before he was pulled into his chest.

“I’m a pretty superstitious person,” Taeyong said, bringing his free hand up to cup Doyoung’s cheek, “I need to do this.”

Doyoung’s eyes fluttered shut as familiar lips found his, slow and gentle. Taeyong made sure to be thorough, keeping himself steady on his toes as he made sure to cover every inch of Doyoung’s lips with his own, plaguing his mind with nothing but thoughts of himself. Although they had kissed before, this one seemed different, it was freeing. They were out in the open with no one to worry about, Doyoung was relaxed, his hands soft when they touched Taeyong’s nape.

Taeyong smiled into the kiss when he felt Doyoung moving his lips, kissing him back. The snow pooled around their feet, finding a place on their shoulders as they stood unmoving, relishing in each other’s warmth.

The first snow brought with it many miracles. Jisung told his best friend that night that he didn’t want to be friends anymore and Chenle couldn’t have agreed more. Jaehyun learned that sometimes, it’s better to let go when you know holding on will only hurt, Jeno told Jaemin he was the one who broke his camera lens and the boy kissed him, promising to kill him the very next day. Taeyong learned he could do anything for Doyoung and as for Doyoung, Doyoung learned love was not just a word he heard in the movies and love was most definitely not the name of finding another person to pull into the toxicity of your own mind. First love was the love you felt for yourself, and as the first snow fell, Doyoung found himself taking a step into self-appreciation, and maybe once he had, he could learn to love the boy in his arms, too. For now, he was happy to have Lee Taeyong and his patience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Doyoung finally realized that he needs to love himself first!!!


	23. How to cloud watch.

The New Year brought with it the eventual stress of exams. His unplanned emotional journey had cost Doyoung almost all of December and now he had only a month left to work on the pile of final projects he had been ignoring. The two extra courses he had picked up for the semester now seemed more like a burden than a blessing, taking almost all of his time.

It had been two days since he had seen his bed, alternating between studios to simultaneously work on his design and sculpting projects, the deadlines being too close to each other for him to slack on either one. The stress was good, though, Doyoung worked well under pressure and the caffeine running through his system was pushing him to follow through with the workload.

Not only had he not seen his bed in a couple of days, he hadn’t seen his boyfriend either. It still felt weird, calling Taeyong his boyfriend, holding his hand in public while they were surrounded by people. The older boy had been busy, too just like Doyoung he too had an interactive major which had him practicing day and night for his final evaluation.

Even though being away from Taeyong gave Doyoung some space to breathe and clear his head from thoughts of the boy and work instead, he would be lying if he said he didn’t miss him. Taeyong had the ability to cease each and every one of his senses until he was all that Doyoung had within him. It was a source of comfort for him, having Taeyong with him even he wasn’t there.

The brush was plucked out of his hand, pulling him out of his train of thought. He turned around to find Taeyong twirling the brush in his fingers, beaming up at him.

“Hey baby,” He leaned in for a kiss only to be met with a palm.

“Hey!” He whined trying to reach Doyoung’s lips.

“Can I have my brush back?” He tried to sound stern, failing when a smile broke out on his face.

“I wanna kiss you.” Taeyong pouted, crossing his arms against his chest after handing the brush back to Doyoung.

“I want to work.”

And so he did, with Taeyong sitting across from him, secretly snapping pictures of him while he was immersed in his work. After an hour of blowing his bangs and pouting for attention, Taeyong decided it was time for Doyoung to take a break.

Doyoung whined, letting Taeyong drag him out to the courtyard, only slightly trying to go back inside to get back to work. He followed Taeyong to sit on the grass and then lay down beside him when he did so.

“What are we doing?” He asked, turning his head to appreciate Taeyong’s side profile.

“I’m teaching you how to cloud watch.” Taeyong smiled.

“What?” Doyoung asked, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

“You said you don’t know how to so I’m going to help you.” He shrugged.

Doyoung’s lips curved into a small smile, heart swelling at the tiny detail Taeyong had remembered. He found himself smiling a lot lately, mostly because of something his boyfriend would do. It was strange how much he had changed in the span of four months, finding himself growing into someone he had subconsciously always wanted to be. Doyoung looked up at the floating masses of condensed gas, watching them conjoin before breaking apart and swirling into nothingness against the clear blue of the sky.

Taeyong intertwined their fingers, laying their hands between their bodies before he pointed to a cloud.

“What do you see?”

“I see a cloud.” Doyoung dryly replied, enjoying the way Taeyong’s nose scrunched.

“Look closer,” Taeyong closed an eye, tracing the outline of the cloud with his finger, “Do you see that? It’s a nose.”

Doyoung hummed, eyes far from the clouds settled on the boy lying beside him.

“And that,” Taeyong’s fingers moved in the air. “That’s a tail. It’s an elephant.”

He stated, moving onto a new puffy white cloud that floated above them.

“That looks like a fish.” Taeyong squinted, lips parting as he examined the shape, “Yep! A fish look it has fins.”

Doyoung agreed with another hum, eyes following the curve of Taeyong’s nose, his eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks, teasing them before being lifted again. Doyoung smiled when Taeyong squealed,

“That’s a bunny!” He squeezed Doyoung’s hand. “Look Doie it’s you!”

He turned to find Doyoung already looking at him, eyes heavy and dazed, a lazy smile spread across his face as he watched Taeyong’s smile fall, staring back at him, their eyes meeting before he looked away, cheeks picking up color.

“Your turn.” He said clearing his throat, “What do you see?”

“I see the love of my life,” Doyoung said without much thought, flustering Taeyong.

“W-what?” Taeyong asked, turning his head to look at him, this time his cheeks burned red.

“I love you.”

Doyoung had imagined it to be tough, saying the three words he just had. He had thought of it during late nights, wondering how he would say it if it ever came to that. All that planning went to waste, however, when it rolled off his tongue before he could think about it.

“I…” Taeyong’s lips twitched at the sides as they curled up into the most beautiful smile Doyoung had ever seen, “I love you, too.”

He squeezed the younger boy’s hand and at that moment, Doyoung wanted nothing more than everything Taeyong. He wanted to watch the stars with him, twinkling in his eyes while they lay under the open night sky, he wanted to explore everything about Lee Taeyong. Doyoung wanted to wake up to his smile and go to sleep in his arms, he wanted to lay with him on hot summer days, under the fan while they ate watermelon and complained about the heat. Doyoung wanted Taeyong to be every one of his firsts and every bit of his lasts, Doyoung wanted nothing more than to delve into the depths of Taeyong and learn to swim, but in all honesty, Doyoung wouldn’t mind drowning in Taeyong.

He leaned in to peck Taeyong’s lips, moving back to his original spot and turning his face towards the sky. He pointed at a cloud, a big one bending at the top to make a long horn while the rest of it twisted into a body.

“That looks like a fencing monkey.”

“That’s a unicorn, idiot.”

“Your idiot.”

“Shut up.”

“You shut up.”

“You’re lucky I love you.”

“What was that?”

“I said, you’re lucky I lo…”

Taeyong was cut off when a pair of lips consumed his own, shutting him up as he hummed into the kiss. He had been wrong, it wasn’t tough loving Kim Doyoung, it was the easiest thing in the world. Love was the easiest thing in the world as long as you learned to give it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is such a bitter-sweet moment. I have received so much love in the past few weeks while writing this story and I am so emotional that it's finally coming to an end. It ended well though, with Doyoung realizing that before loving anyone else, you have to learn to love yourself and Taeyong being understanding and patient with him. You can see how much Doyoung has grown since he took the initiative of professing his love for Taeyong. To everyone who read along as I wrote and gave me feedback, thank you so much and to those who are reading, after it has been finished, I hope you enjoy it and love it just as much as I did writing it.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like this hehe.  
> Comment down below what you expect from this. I would also appreciate it if you followed me on twitter.  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/pcysleftearlobe)


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